The Diary Trail
by Jan of Arc
Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life. All Human. *Warning - dark themes*
1. Missing Persons

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is. All human.

Spoilers: Character spoilers for all books.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**Chapter one – Missing Persons**

I sat with my coffee at Franklin's bean grinder. It was Pam's favourite java hut and she always insisted on meeting me here. I played with the end of my blonde pigtail as I waited, noticing a dark haired man a few table away giving me the eye. I crossed my arms and turned a little in my chair so I was looking out of the window, I was aware that I was pretty and understood his attentions. My curves earned me many a whistle and cat-call from construction workers but today I wasn't interested in any level of flirtation. Today I was worried sick. I replayed the voicemail from Pam in my head.

_Sookie, I think I'm in trouble. Meet me at Franklin's, 11am, I have to go now but hopefully I'll be able to make it before ... I'll see you later._

I checked my watch for the hundredth time. 10.45 am. I tried to settle down and drink my coffee, but every time the door opened my heart leapt into my throat. Pam Ravenscroft-Compton was always calm, cool and collected. She was never scared and she sounded terrified in the message she left me, that was enough for me to realise that when she said she was in trouble – it was big trouble. I wracked my brain, wondering what on earth she could have gotten herself into. I hadn't seen much of her the past few months; she was spending a lot more time with her husband, Bill. I started to think maybe Bill was the one who had gotten her into something. But that was ridiculous; Bill was the most normal, nice guy you could ever meet. And he loved Pam dearly. I was pulled out of my musings with a jolt as a chair at my table scraped across the floor.

"Hi Sookie, what are you doing here?"

I looked up to find Eric Northman, Pam's friend and business partner, settling next to me and signalling to one of the waitresses. His long blonde hair was pulled back neatly except for a few strands that fell forward as he folded his tall frame into the chair. Eric was a very handsome man, there were queues of women who went to their bar, Baldur's Gate, every night hoping to catch his attention. They never did. I once asked Pam if he had a wife or girlfriend, 'he doesn't date' was her cryptic reply.

"I'm meeting Pam, she left me a voicemail."

Eric nodded. "Me too. Did she sound ..."

"Scared? Yes, I'm worried about her Eric."

Again he nodded as he ordered his coffee. We lapsed into a tense silence. I didn't know Eric that well. I'd met him probably hundreds of times, but we never really chatted or spent time one on one trying to get to know each other. I could hear his foot tap under the table even though there wasn't any music. The silence continued as Eric's coffee was brought over and 11am came and went.

By the time 11.30 came along, both of us were too concerned to drink anything and spent the minutes shooting concerned glances at each other between calling her cell and calling the bar. Her cell was turned off and no-one at the bar had seen or heard from her in over 24 hours. Pam used punctuality as a tool of power, she was only late for those she disrespected and it was purposeful so they would _know_ she disrespected them. She was never late for meeting either me or Eric.

"What should we do?"

I bit my lip and looked to Eric for guidance but he seemed just as lost as I was.

"Maybe we should call Bill?"

We both picked up our cell phones at the same time and smiled awkwardly; Eric gestured for me to make the call and slipped his cell back in the pocket of his jeans. I hit speed-dial 2 and after one ring it was picked up.

"_Pam?"_

"No, Bill, its Sookie. Have you seen Pam? She was supposed to meet me for coffee but she hasn't shown up."

"_No." _He sighed into the phone. _"I haven't really seen much of her these past few months, last night she went out and she hasn't come back yet. She told me she was with you."_

"Oh. Eric is here too, we're coming over. Something is very wrong here."

Bill sounded distraught as I hung up. Pam told me she was spending time with Bill; she told Bill she was spending time with me. Who was it she was with when she was lying to us?

"Eric, Bill is worried too. We should go over there and try to work out what's happening. Have you seen much of Pam recently?"

"Not really." He shrugged. "She said she wanted to be with Bill, I assumed they were trying for a baby or something."

"'Or something' is right, she hasn't been with Bill. She told him she was with me. Last night she went out and she hasn't went back home."

Eric's eyes widened in fear and he followed me to my car without question. I broke the speed limit the whole way to the house where Pam and Bill lived. When we screeched to a halt in the driveway, Bill was pacing the porch. He walked quickly to us and was asking questions before we were able to exit the vehicle.

"Have you heard from her? When did you last see her? Do you know who she's been with?"

He was wringing his hands and pacing until Eric grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him inside the house. In the tastefully decorated living room, we bounced questions back and forth but besides realising that neither Eric nor I had seen her in two weeks and that she had been going out every night to meet some mystery person, we were lost. Our next round of phone calls was to hospitals in the Shreveport area. None of them had admitted anyone of Pam's name or description. Bill called the police despite Eric and me saying it was pointless. Sure enough, they wouldn't file a missing person report until she had been gone for 3 days.

Whoever she had been hiding from us was the key to finding her; I could feel it in my bones. Eric watched as Bill and I searched every drawer, cupboard and box for an address book or anything that could point us in the right direction. When there was nowhere left to look, Bill collapsed on the floor, sobbing his heart out.

I went to him, offering comfort, but in return I was pushed away so hard I skidded across the polished wooden floor and banged my head on the nightstand. Eric rushed over and picked me up, I stood on shaky legs and rubbed at the spot on my head where a bump was sure to appear.

"What the fuck Bill? We're all scared and worried, we need to stick together to find her!"

I tried to scream at him but my voice was so choked with emotion it came out as a croak. Bill stormed out with a 'fuck you' and left me and Eric in a storm of slammed doors and screeching tires. Despite wanting to collapse and cry, I let Eric guide me back out to my car. He climbed in the driver's seat and held his hand out for my keys. We drove around for hours, trying to think of where Bill might have gone. He wasn't at his office or at his sister, Lorena's, house. Finally we went back to Bill and Pam's. I could hear the phone ringing as I got out of the car and ran through the front door that we had left unlocked. Grabbing the handset from the cradle and almost dropping it in my haste.

"Hello?"

"_Hi this is Tracy from Mercy Hospital; I'm looking for Pam Ravenscroft-Compton."_

"She's not here, we don't know where she is and now we can't find Bill either!"

"_We're currently trying to find a next of kin for Mr. Bill Compton. We're working through the contacts on his cell phone right now but if you could perhaps give us a clue where to start we'd appreciate it."_

"His sister, Lorena Ball, she's his only living relative."

"_Thank you, ma'am."_

"Wait! Why ... why do you need a next of kin?"

"_I'm sorry ma'am, I can't tell you that."_

I hung up the phone and turned to Eric. "We need to get to Mercy Hospital; something terrible has happened to Bill."

We scoured the house for a set of keys to lock up behind us, finding a spare set in a kitchen drawer. Again, Eric drove as we made our way into Shreveport. We passed Lorena's Mercedes CLK in the parking lot of the Hospital and rushed to find our own space and get inside. None of the staff would help us; we weren't family so they couldn't tell us anything. We were resigned to sitting in the waiting area, keeping our eyes peeled for a glimpse of Lorena or even her husband, Russell. Finally I saw her, her eyes were red and puffy from crying and she held a tissue to her nose. I nudged Eric and we stood to make our way over to her.

"Lorena!"

"Oh Sookie! When you came to see me earlier I thought he'd just gone somewhere to calm down!"

"What happened, Lorena?" Eric's deep voice was soft as he helped her into a nearby chair and knelt in front of her.

"The paramedics on the scene said it looked like he'd swerved to over-take but there was a truck coming down toward him. He ... he's dead and so is the driver of the car he tried to pass. The truck rolled as the driver tried to brake in time."

The police came over and asked us questions about Bill, we told them everything. When Russell came to get Lorena, we decided it would be best if we left them to their grief. We had to find Pam, now more than ever. Whatever double life she was leading, the death of her husband would affect her enormously.

"We should check her office at the bar. She has a safe there, I have no idea what she keeps in it but she told me the combination in case anything happened to her."

I nodded at Eric's suggestion. "Let's go."

We were greeted by Ginger at Baldur's Gate, she waved and smiled but her expression soon became worried as she saw Eric's dishevelled and emotional state.

"Eric? Have you found Pam yet?"

"No, Ginger, we haven't. Bill has been killed in a road accident; we need to find her as soon as possible."

Ginger's hand flew to her mouth and she gasped out an 'oh no!' as we headed down the corridor to Pam's office. Once inside, I went to the desk while Eric took a painting from the wall and punched a series of numbers into the keypad. I searched through the drawers, pulling out notebooks and folders until my hand found something at the back of one. I pulled it out and stared at the cell phone. It wasn't Pam's regular phone. This one was disposable.

Eric stopped sifting through the papers he had brought out of the safe to look at what I'd found. He came to my side as I turned it on and pressed the keys. It was empty, no numbers and no texts. There were four received calls from a number I didn't recognise. I didn't need to look at Eric to know he was thinking the same thing as I was. I pressed the call button and put the phone on speaker.

_The number you have dialled is no longer available. Please hang up and try another number._

I threw the phone across the room and fell into the chair that Pam spent so many hours in. Eric rubbed my back as I cried, it was a simple gesture from a man I didn't really know, but it was as calming and tender as it would have been from someone I knew well. Once my tears dried, he went back to the pile of books and papers he'd retrieved from the safe. I watched as he tossed many items to the floor, but stopped when he opened a red, leather bound notebook.

"I fear I may have gotten myself into something very dangerous, so I have started this diary in an attempt to explain myself. If someone is reading this, then I am either dead or something much worse."

My mouth gaped as Eric read out the first lines of the book. He held it out to me and I recognised Pam's handwriting straight away. Oh, Pam, what on earth did you get involved with?


	2. Amelia

**The Diary Trail**

_A/N: Hi, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the first chapter. It's nice to know people are excited about this story. On with the show!  
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**Chapter 2 – Amelia**

The note in the cover of the book fluttered to the floor and I picked it up. The date on it was 24th July 2010. Yesterday. I flicked to the first entry and began to read.

_15__th__ January 2010_

_Something has happened that I'm very conflicted about. I'm ashamed yet liberated. There's no-one I feel that I can talk to about this, so I thought I'd write it all down. Sookie wouldn't understand, Eric wouldn't want to know and it would crush Bill if he ever found out. Last week I went back to Hudson's Rock. When I met Bill, I promised myself I would leave that life behind for the man I loved ... maybe I don't love him so much anymore?_

"Oh Pam!"

My hand covered my mouth and Eric came over to take the book from my hands.

"What is it?"

"It looks like she fell out of love with Bill. She went to Hudson's Rock ... it's a bar. A gay bar. Pam went there a lot in our first year of college, she liked to experiment."

Eric smiled. "I'm sure she did."

I chuckled and wondered if he'd ever have gone into business with her when she was a little wild. I met Pam on my first day at LSU Shreveport; we were both away from home for the first timeand sharing a room with a stranger. We bonded over a bitching session about our respective room-mates and have been firm friends ever since, even though she was studying business and I was filling my time with psych. She met Bill in our last year there and I was surprised at how willing she was to settle down and put her dreams on the back burner for love and marriage. But she was happy and that was all that mattered.

I'd never forget the day she met Eric. She'd gone to a franchise expo in the convention centre and called me at the office where I was a receptionist. She had been trying to get Bill to partner with her in a bar since before their wedding but he had no interest. I think he was relieved when Pam and Eric went into business together because she wouldn't harass him about it anymore.

"I don't get it." Eric closed the diary and leaned on the edge of Pam's desk. "I thought she was happy with Bill. She never said anything bad about him and, like I said earlier, I was sure they were trying to start a family."

My stomach growled loudly and Eric laughed as the blush rose on my cheeks. "I guess I should take care of that huh?"

"We'll get take-out and go back to my place. That way we can read more of this." He waved the diary at me and I nodded.

Eric lived a block away from Franklin's. I waited in the car while he picked up some pizza and hot wings, staring at the coffee shop and feeling dizzy with the way everything had changed since we met there that morning. Eric's apartment was spotless and had very little furniture; I couldn't see anything in the open-plan living area that suggested he had personal belongings of any kind.

"Have you just moved in?" I asked as he pulled some napkins and glasses from a cupboard.

"No, I've lived here for five years."

"Oh, it's looks so shiny and new. My place has pictures and photos all over the walls, maybe I'm just too used to the clutter."

"I don't like clutter, I'm kind of OCD about keeping things tidy and symmetrical."

I looked around and noticed that everything _was_ symmetrical. The small area we sat in had two identical couches directly opposite each other and two identical dark wood tables directly opposite each other. The only difference was that a TV sat on one table and a stereo sat on the other. No DVD's, no CD's. It was freaky, to be honest, but I tried to relax and enjoy my dinner. I tried not to giggle at the thought that at some point Eric might get up and sit on the sofa opposite me so the symmetry would be right.

For the tiniest moment I had a distraction but then Pam's diary caught my eye as it sat on the table, almost pleading with me to keep reading. We finished eating and Eric must have seen the way I was looking at the journal. He handed it to me, then cleaned away the boxes and napkins. I turned the book over in my hands, feeling the texture of the leather. There was no way Pam would go missing over a few simple nights out to her old haunt. There had to be something, or someone, more.

_The first night at HR, I met a really hot woman. Yvetta, she called herself. I wasn't really looking to cheat on B when I went there, but when I kissed Y it felt like something inside me woke up. The way she teased me with her tongue and her fingers made me realise what I was missing with B. When I stroked her wet pussy I wondered what the hell I ever gave it up for._

I felt the blush creep up my neck to my face as I read Pam's secrets. I knew Pam was very forthright and always said what was on her mind, no matter how offensive, but I was truly shocked that her diary was just as direct and vulgar. Eric put a cup of coffee in front of me and raised an eyebrow at my flustered state.

"Did you find something?"

"Uh ... not really." I put the diary down and picked up the coffee, raising it to my lips and sipping, hoping that Eric wouldn't ask me what I'd just read. "She cheated on Bill, rather graphically."

His mouth made an 'o' shape as he picked up his own cup. "Do you think we should go to this Hudson place? We could take a photo of her and ask people if they've seen her."

"That's a good idea. Do you have a photo here?"

He took out his iphone and fiddled with it, finally holding up a snapshot of Pam. She wasn't smiling in it, she very rarely smiled for pictures, but it was clear and looked recent enough for ID purposes. I nodded and we finished our drinks before I picked up the diary and stowed it away in my purse. I waited for Eric in the hallway as he closed and started to lock the door. He stopped suddenly, and unlocked the door again.

"Sorry, I forgot to wash out the cups. I won't be long."

I stood with my mouth gaping, he said he was OCD but I thought he was joking. While I waited I thought it would be a good idea to call my boss. It was Sunday night, but I knew under the circumstances Sam wouldn't be too annoyed with me calling him. The conversation was brief and to the point. I had some personal days saved anyway. I hadn't used any since I broke up with my boyfriend over a year ago. Eric came back out, looking sheepish as I returned my cell to my purse.

"If I left them it would have annoyed me."

"It's okay, I took the time to call my boss and arrange a few days off. What will you do with the bar, seeing as Pam isn't here?"

Eric huffed out a breath and rubbed at the back of neck with his hand. "Well, Pam and I worked at different times. We took turns at watching the floor and paperwork and deliveries, so we had every second night off. Floor duty was from 6pm until 2am and office was from Midday until 8pm. I'll call Clancy and ask him to take over from us on the floor and I'll take on the paperwork on my own. That way we can search for her in the evenings."

"Baldur's is closed tomorrow right?"

Eric nodded and took out his cell while we got in my car again. I tried to ignore how exasperated Eric sounded as he spoke to his subordinate. He finally ended the call with a 'just do what I'm telling you to fucking do Clancy' and tossed his phone onto the dashboard.

"According to Clancy, Pam has been acting weird in the bar for weeks now. He said she seemed edgy and paranoid the last time he laid eyes on her."

"Maybe she was worried someone would catch her cheating on Bill? Perhaps this Yvetta chick threatened to go to the bar and tell someone?"

Eric shrugged. "That seems kind of innocuous compared to the voicemails she left and that note in the diary. Is it okay If I read some more?"

I nodded and told him it was in my purse. He just looked at me like I was crazy.

"Eric, my purse is behind your seat, just reach back and get it."

"I don't want to root around in your purse."

"It's just a purse, there's nothing weird in there like spare panties or a hundred tampons."

He looked disgusted and I puffed my cheeks and sighed in frustration. I pulled over and reached back for my bag, grabbing the diary and throwing it in his lap. He made an 'oof' noise and doubled over, clutching his crotch.

"Oh I'm sorry!" I patted his shoulder but inside I was giggling.

"That hurt, Sookie!"

Eric's voice was rough and breathless and I bit my lip, feeling guilty for being so petty. Obviously he had issues. Somewhere. About something. But I had no clue what they might be. It didn't take us long to get to Hudson's Rock but Eric had closed the diary very soon after opening.

"I take it you go to the part about Yvetta?"

He shifted in his seat and nodded. "I'm not sure it's a good idea to be reading this."

I sighed. "I know it's ... detailed but she left it there for someone – _us_, to find. She's leaving a trail, don't you see?"

"I know. I just don't like reading about my friend's sex life."

"Well, we just need to detach ourselves. Everyone has sex Eric. Me, you, Pam ... hell even your parents had sex!"

I got out of the car and closed the door harder than I needed to, stomping across the street and waiting on the sidewalk outside Hudson's for Eric. I watched him slowly, emerge from my car and engaged the remote locking when he shut the door. He handed me Pam's diary and I stuffed it back in my purse. The bouncer at the entrance to the bar smirked at us. I nodded and smiled, taking my wallet out and paying the cover charge for both of us. Eric caught my arm as we walked through an archway to the main area.

"You should have let me pay."

"It's not a date Eric!"

"I know but you've already paid out enough with all the gas we've used today. We're in this together, Sookie."

"Oh ... yeah, I guess you're right."

"Have you been here before?"

"Sure." I shrugged, I'd come here with Pam a lot. You didn't get hassle from drunken guys and the girls backed off when you told them you were straight. "I was never into ... y'know ... but I came here to drink and dance plenty when we were at college."

One look at Eric's face told me he hadn't been here before. He looked very nervous. Fortunately, the alcove next to the restrooms was empty and I pulled him into it.

"Eric, the way you look, the guys in here are going to think it's your first time cruising or you're looking for drugs. That's not the kind of attention we want. If someone propositions you, just tell them you're not interested. We just need to get to the bar and speak to some of the staff, flash them Pam's picture and get whatever we can out of them."

He nodded, the lights of the bar catching the beads of sweat on his forehead. "Wait. Why didn't you ask the bouncer on the way in?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, because he'd let us in here after we grilled him. If people in this bar _do_ know Pam and they _might_ know what happened to her, they're going to want to hide it."

"Oh. You're really good at this. You should be a PI."

"Turns out all those years taking psych actually taught me something."

We grinned at each other and stalked purposefully toward the bar. There was a very large, very scary, Native American standing behind it. I smiled at him and he came over and asked what we wanted to drink.

"Actually, I was wondering if you'd seen someone in here recently." I nudged Eric and he held his phone out for the bartender to see. "Her name is Pam, does she look familiar?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but I ain't seen her in a long time. She came here a few times a week for a couple of months early in the year. Sorry I can't be more helpful."

I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment when the idea came to me. "Is Yvetta here tonight?"

The bartender eyed me warily before pointing to one of the podiums at the other side of the dance floor. A very beautiful woman was gyrating and swinging around the pole, wearing nothing but a gold bikini and platform spike heels. I turned to Eric, expecting him to drinking in the scene but found him looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Are you okay, Eric?"

"I'm fine, let's just go talk to her and get out of here."

We made our way across the crowded dance floor, trying not to brush up against the same sex couples practically dry humping to the primal beat. I slapped on the podium to get Yvetta's attention and she looked down at me, a sly smile on her face as she flicked her eyes between Eric and me. Her movements were fluid as she took a final swing around the pole and slinked down the steps, all while swaying her hips to the music. She put an arm around each of us and led us to a booth at the very back of the bar.

Eric opened his mouth to speak but Yvetta placed a finger on his lips. "Shh ... it's okay. I know why you're here."

He lightly clasped his hand around her wrist and took her hand away, wiping his mouth with his other hand, a look of disgust on his face. "I don't think you do."

Yvetta laughed and shook her head. "There's only one reason a cute couple like you two would come to me."

"We're not a couple but we are looking for someone." I looked her in the eye as I spoke, trying to convey we were here about a serious matter and not to arrange a threesome. "When was the last time you saw Pam?"

She straightened in her seat instantly. "You know Pam? Do you know where she is? I miss her." Yvetta's head dropped down and she played with her nails. "I haven't seen her in a few months, we had a lot of fun and then ... I guess she found someone more fun."

"Do you know who? Did she meet them here?" Eric was still standing, as if sitting in the booth would give Yvetta encouragement to touch him again.

She nodded and smiled sadly. "It's my own damn fault really. I introduced her to Amelia. We had a _lot_ of fun, the three of us."

"Amelia?" I looked at Eric; it was obviously a name that he'd never heard before. That made two of us. "Is she here tonight?"

"No, Ames stopped coming in the same time as Pam."

Eric hunkered down next to Yvetta. "Do you know any other places Amelia hangs out?"

Yvetta shook her head again. "She talked about some club, but it was invite only, no advertising, no walk-ins. I don't even know what it's called; she only ever called it 'a private club'. If you guys are looking for Pam, I guess she's gone AWOL huh?"

Eric and I both nodded and thanked Yvetta for her time. She gave me her number so we could call her and let her know how the search was going. When we walked away, I looked back. Yvetta didn't make her way back to the podium, she slinked through a doorway wiping at her cheeks. She knew more than she told us, I was sure of it. We just had to ask the right questions.

I gave Eric a lift back to his apartment and went home. Lorena had left a message on my answering machine asking if we knew where Pam was. I called her and told her that we still had no idea. The police wouldn't help in the search until Wednesday but if we could narrow down the places she could be by then it would be helpful. Despite all of the evidence that said otherwise, I held on to my hope that she had simply fallen in love and ran away with someone. It was the only way I could get to sleep that night.


	3. Red Candy

**The Diary Trail**

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read this and put my story on alert and big thanks to those of you who have taken the time to leave me some feedback after reading - I really appreciate it xx_

**Chapter 3 – Red Candy**

As soon as I woke up and got my breakfast ready, I was poring over Pam's diary again. I skipped past a few entries where it was about Yvetta and the various activities they got up to together. We already knew about Yvetta, I was looking for Amelia's name to pop up.

_6__th__ March 2010_

_I think Yvetta is still pissed off that I didn't spend Valentine's with her. She doesn't know I had to spend it with my husband and she never will. It feels good to have such big secrets from so many people. I know it makes me a horrible person, but I'm enjoying pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. Tonight one of the other dancers, Amelia, joined our table. She's gorgeous. I could see the way she was looking at me when we were talking and drinking. The best part was her little shirt, she wasn't wearing a bra and she was sitting right under the air-con. I tried to concentrate on what Yvetta was saying but all I could think about was sucking on Ame's hard nips._

Lordy! When Pam shares her secrets she doesn't skimp on the details at all. After reading the first couple of entries last night, I had maybe thought that the level of description was a one off. But the more I read, the more I realised that she'd been coy at the start. Even though I'd skipped through a lot of stuff, it didn't mean my eyes weren't automatically drawn to certain words and phrases. I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat, I was a little ashamed that I was turned on. It had been a long time since I'd been intimate with anyone but myself. I put it down to lack of getting laid rather than a suppressed Bi-curious side.

_18__th__ March 2010_

_Amelia joined Yvetta and me tonight. I'd been thinking about it since we met. At first I was disappointed, it seemed like she just wanted to watch Yvetta eat my pussy – although that was a huge turn on in itself – when I was really getting into Y sucking on me, A started to strip and stroke herself. I could tell how wet she was from the way her fingers were gliding up and down her slit, so I crooked a finger at her and she came right over and sat on my face. She tasted amazing; I could have eaten her out all night. I gave her a ride home afterwards, I was surprised to find out she worked at Red Candy. She said she was just a call handler but even if she was an escort it didn't matter. I knew the girls there were clean and she still managed to get me off in the front seat of my car. I even managed to get a chance to suck on those tits I'd been thinking about._

I frowned at the page. Red Candy? I'd never heard of them. And she said that Amelia could have been an escort, was Red Candy a brothel? And if it was then how did Pam know about it? I left a message for Eric to make arrangements for our investigation to continue while I searched the internet for a clue. All I could find were vague references on dating forums; it was obvious that they were exclusive. But I'd never come across any company, escort agency or not, that didn't even have a website or contact details in this day and age.

Eric called as I was picking out my clothes for the day and contemplating which moisturiser to use after my shower, I gave him my address and rushed to the bathroom. I only had twenty minutes, tops, before he arrived. Sure enough, the intercom buzzed as I was smoothing the conditioner through my hair. I jumped out and tried not to injure myself on the hardwood floors with my wet feet as I let Eric into the building and opened my front door a little before I went back to finishing my personal hygiene routine. I heard Eric calling my name as he came into my apartment.

"I'm in the bedroom, I'll be out soon."

I called back as I struggled to pull my panties up my still damp legs. I grimaced, one of my pet hates was getting dressed before my lotions and potions had had time to sink in. I snapped the hooks on my bra then pushed my feet into my shoes as I shimmied my sundress over my head. I grunted and wiggled when the cotton pulled at my skin and bunched up around my armpits. Finally, I was dressed and spun around to grab my brush, only to find Eric standing at the door. His mouth was open a little and his cheeks were pink.

"How long have you been there?" My hands instinctively went to my hips as I challenged him.

"Uh ... well I saw from the hallway that the door was wide open ... I didn't think you'd be in a state of undress. I'm really sorry."

I nodded, it was clear it had been a simple misunderstanding. Eric didn't seem like the peeping Tom type and it's not as if I hadn't fantasised about him seeing me in my underwear in the time I'd known him. He's a very attractive man, any heterosexual woman would be nuts not to have thoughts of being touched by him. Sure, he was OCD about his furniture and leaving dirty dishes and he didn't like going into women's purses ... but then, what guy did? I still wouldn't say no.

I walked past him and he followed me to the small dining table where I had my laptop and Pam's diary. I could see him staring at my unwashed coffee cup, so I grabbed it and headed for the kitchen to make more. We made small talk while I washed my cup and got a fresh one out of the cupboard for Eric, I kept talking as I turned my back to him to start a fresh pot of java.

"Eric, have you heard of something called Red Candy? Pam mentioned it in her diary and it seemed she knew a bit about it." When I turned around he looked a little pale and was rubbing at the back of his neck again. "Are you okay?"

"I ... I'm fine." He puffed his cheeks and blew out a long breath, gripping the back of one of the dining chairs and leaning his weight on it. "Red Candy is an escort agency."

"Yeah, I got that impression but I can't find _anything_ about it online. How did Pam find out about something like that?"

"From me." He said it so quietly, I could have been mistaken in what I heard but he cleared his throat and repeated it louder.

Despite every fibre of my being telling me not to, I asked the question.

"And how do you know all about it?" His eyes were two blue pools of guilt for a moment until they changed into something stronger, something resolute. He stood tall and his face took on a cold expression. "Eric, I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to get to the bottom of this. I know _nothing_ about you, except you work with Pam, you don't date and you like things to be clean and square. Don't be angry at me for asking questions."

The azure orbs softened as Eric nodded. "I understand, Sookie, but before I explain why I know about ... certain things, I want to explain a little about the few things you _do_ know about me."

"Okay." I was hesitant with my reply as I placed his coffee in front of him. At the moment we had a tenuous friendship; did I really want to know all about his history with an escort agency? I shrugged mentally, whether I wanted to hear it or not, Eric seemed intent on telling me anyway.

"Firstly, I work with Pam. So you can tell from that that I don't hate women or look at them with purely sexual objectives. Next, I don't date – I'm assuming you've spoken to Pam about that?"

I blushed a little as I nodded before shaking off any embarrassment. "You're a handsome man, I'm a single girl, there was no harm in asking."

"Quite. I have dated in the past but ... I've had some bad experiences. My first girlfriend lived in a hovel, but I was okay with it at that time because she seemed physically clean despite her messy and dirty home. I was wrong and after I found out she was unfaithful, I discovered I'd picked up Gonorrhoea and Chlamydia from her."

I refrained from making any 'wrap it before you tap it' comments and instead focussed on sympathising for him. After all, the reason I found out John had been screwing around on me last year was because he gave me a yeast infection.

"I broke up with the next girlfriend because she didn't tell me she was ... having her monthly visit before initiating sex. It was only when I smelled something unpleasant and looked at my hand that I discovered my fingers were covered in blood. When I stepped off the bed to get away from her I stepped on ... she just took it out and tossed it to the side when I wasn't looking."

My stomach turned. That was the skankiest thing I'd ever heard. I wondered if I looked as green as Eric did. You couldn't blame him for being a little on the fucked up side after those moments in his life.

"The women that vie for my attention at the bar aren't interested in me, only my body and, perhaps, my money. So, I haven't dated in a very long time because even if I knew they simply wanted to get to know me, I could never get over my hesitance when it came to bedding them."

"I can understand your reasons, Eric, and I'm sorry those things happened to you. I get the whole cleanliness OCD thing now too. I guess a lot of people would feel that same after going through something similar."

Eric nodded and sipped at his coffee. I looked at him expectantly, tapping at my cup with my fingertips.

"Oh! Yes, Red Candy. I was approached by a man in Baldur's Gate one night a couple of years ago, he commented on the number of ladies that I had refused to entertain. I told him that I wasn't interested in being with them because I didn't know where they had been and, eventually, it would be bad for business. Choosing a different woman every night would lead to jealousy and a bad atmosphere, I don't want that.

Anyway, he echoed my sentiments and gave me a business card. He said that it was a discreet service with only the highest quality women. All of the escorts at Red Candy are tested for diseases and such on a regular basis. I ... called upon their services a few nights later. I told Pam all about it when she noticed the change in my demeanour; you know nothing gets past her."

I laughed at his last remark, but I really didn't know what to say about everything else he divulged. My logical side understood and even commended him on dealing with his urges in a way where no-one got hurt. My emotional side wept for how clinical it all sounded. I tried not to look at him differently, but it was tough. Only this morning, he had been the handsome businessman that I was attracted to but never made a move. Now he was a damaged man who used prostitutes. I frowned at my drink. It didn't matter who he was or what he'd been through, we were working together to find Pam. And in a reversal of the previous night, Eric had more information on our next searching spot than I did.

"In her diary, Pam mentions that Amelia was a call handler for Red Candy. Do you have a way to find out if she still works there?"

He leaned back in his chair and looked out of the window for a moment. "Names were never mentioned or exchanged, with the girls who took the calls or the girls who met with me. But, then, I'm a customer. Perhaps the workers would know each other better?"

"And how do we speak to the workers? Is there an office we can go to?"

"No." He looked uncomfortable again. "We make an appointment."

"You ... you want to hire a prostitute so we can question her about Amelia?" He nodded. Admittedly, it wasn't the craziest plan in the world. "Okay then. Do they ... uh ... do daytime appointments?"

"I'm not sure. I only ever called in the evenings, you're given a motel and a room number and then you go and meet them. I know that I was never in the same motel twice and I was never with the same girl twice."

I smiled a smile that must have made me look completely nuts and grit my teeth to prevent me blurting out something offensive about how regular his 'appointments' sounded. "So, how do we go about this?"

Eric pulled out his cell and scrolled through the contacts before pressing a button and putting it on speaker.

"_Welcome to Red Candy. If you are a new customer, press one. If you are a returning customer, press two. If you are calling with a complaint or enquiry, press zero."_

I bit back any comments about an escort agency using automated menus as Eric pressed two.

"_Please enter your six digit customer number after the tone."_

My mouth gaped at how professional and organised it all sounded as Eric pressed buttons and leaned closer to the phone.

"_Good morning. You're through to Red Candy. Please specify your preferred options."_

It was surreal; we could have been calling the phone company for all anyone knew. There were no indications anywhere that we were phoning an escort agency to hire a member of the sex industry. Eric's voice shook me out of my thoughts.

"Curvy ... redhead. Between 5'5 and 5'10. No kink required."

"_Excellent choice, sir." _There was the sound of keys being tapped in the background. _"Please go to Paradise Motel, Morrison Drive, room 15 in two hours."_

Eric ended the call without saying goodbye and looked at me. "You seem shocked, Sookie. I suppose you're used to hearing tales of streetwalkers and pimps?"

"I guess I am. Until you mentioned what kind of ... woman you wanted, you could have been calling to change your cable package." He laughed and shrugged. "Are redheads your 'thing'?"

"No." He said quietly, almost absentmindedly, as he looked at me. "My tastes run ... along different lines but it doesn't really matter. I'm not going to be having sex with her."

"Well, that's a relief!" I grinned. "Otherwise me tagging along would be really awkward."

OoOoO

The car ride to the Paradise Motel was made in Eric's red Corvette. I was surprised his large body fit in the driver's seat. Despite how private and personal his revelations were earlier that morning, I felt more comfortable around him now that I knew the reasons why he was the way he was. Eric seemed more at ease in my company too. He smiled and tapped the steering wheel in time to the music on the radio. I watched Shreveport pass by as I tried to prepare myself for the task ahead.

"You know ... Pam tried to convince me to ask you out."

I turned around so fast I hurt my neck. "What?"

"A while after we opened the bar, she told me you'd asked about me and said I should ask you to go out sometime."

"Oh." There wasn't really anything else for me to say. What did he expect me to do? Ask him to list his reasons for not doing it? Get angry that he'd rather go to escorts than go on a date with a woman his friend respected?

"I didn't know you. I didn't want to take the time to get to know you. Pam was ... she called me a fool. But here we are, with the opportunity to get to know many things about each other. I'd like to know more about you."

"There's not much to tell really. I grew up in a small town, my parents died when I was seven and I was raised by my Gran. I went to school, got older, went to college, met Pam ... and that pretty much covers it."

Eric glanced over and quirked an eyebrow at me before turning his gaze back to the road ahead. "Really? I give you a detailed sexual history and all I get is the cliff's notes on Sookie from birth to present?"

"You didn't say what part of my life you were interested in knowing about. I lost my virginity when I was 17, to my high school boyfriend, he dumped me a week before senior prom. I dated a little in college but nothing serious. I met my last boyfriend, John, three years ago. We moved in together eight months after our first date, a little over a year ago I went to the doctor and found out I had an STI. Turns out John wasn't as much of a stand up guy as I thought, since I left him there hasn't been anyone else."

I could see the cogs turning in Eric's head. "Not even the occasional one night stand?"

"I don't see the point in emotionless conquests." I sniffed, it sounded haughty, even to my own ears. Eric's smirk told me he thought much the same.

The rest of the journey felt odd. We knew all this personal stuff about each other but weren't in a relationship. I wasn't really a person who shared that kind of information but it seemed awfully selfish of me to keep it to myself after he poured out his own history. Thankfully, I saw the gaudy signs for the Motel and moments later we were pulling into the small, litter strewn parking lot.

Eric exited the car confidently, while I trailed behind, hoping no-one was watching us. He rapped three times on the door we'd been told to go to and it opened, revealing a very beautiful red-haired woman. She was wearing a satin robe and her eyes widened when she saw me, but Eric stepped inside the room before she could get the words out.

"Wait! I was told you didn't want anything kinky. If you want her to watch or join in, you'll need to call the office so they can charge you extra for it."

I sidled in the room and closed the door behind me while the escort stood with her hands on her hips and Eric strode over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"There won't be any need for that. I didn't call for sex; I want to speak to you about Red Candy, specifically about another employee."

The woman laughed. "Seriously? Come on, you know I can't do that. You could be a cop or in the mafia or anything!"

"We're not cops." I walked over and stood next to Eric. "A very dear friend of ours has gone missing and we know that she was ... friendly with someone who worked at Red Candy. We just want to know where that person is so we can ask if they've seen her. Please help us."

She sighed and looked at the ceiling before crossing her arms and levelling a serious look at both of us. "You can ask, but I might not know. We don't really spend time in the office, so I haven't met a lot of the other girls."

"This person didn't work as an escort, she was a call handler. Amelia?"

Recognition shone in her eyes for a second before it was replaced by calm indifference. "Yeah, I know her."

Eric leaned forward, tenting his fingers and resting his chin on the points. "Do you know anything about her? Where she lives? Who she spends time with?"

"She shared an apartment with one of the other girls. They were really tight, y'know? Her name is Holly."

"Holly? Do you have an address or a phone number for her? We'd like to know the last time she spoke to Amelia and if Amelia ever mentioned our friend to her."

"Hold on." She walked over to a large bag in the corner and pulled a fancy cell phone out of it, holding it up in front of us. The click of the camera function was clearly heard and Eric and I looked at each other in confusion. "Insurance. If anything happens to Holly _or_ Amelia, this picture will get sent to people you don't want to mess with."

Eric looked ready to spit but I squeezed his arm and spoke for both of us. "We won't give you any need to send that picture to anyone; we just want to find our friend."

She scribbled a phone number on a notepad with some eyeliner and handed it to Eric. "Y'know, if you still wanna get down it's cool. I'm sure Scully can wait in the car."

Eric looked at her coldly and put his hand on my shoulder as I stood up. "No, thank you for your time."

The escort laughed again. "You just paid $500 for a phone number then. I was offering something to make your trip worthwhile."

He stopped just before he opened the door and turned back to her. "If this phone number helps me find my friend then it's worth a lot more than $500."

Eric ushered me outside and closed the door behind us, loudly, before fishing his car keys from his pocket and unlocking the Corvette. We got into the car and he pulled out his cell and sat it on the dash next to the piece of paper with Holly's number.

"Should we check the diary to see if Holly is mentioned?" He asked while slowly making his way through the parking lot to the exit.

"That sounds like an idea. Let's stop somewhere for lunch and check it out."

Eric nodded and suggested a quiet backwoods bar that he knew. When we got there I was shocked that there were only 3 cars parked outside and when we got inside the waitress practically threw herself at us to show us to a table. Quiet was an understatement for this place. I was surprised it managed to stay open. As if he could read my mind, Eric spoke in hushed tones.

"They have sports nights on weeknights and wet t-shirt contests at the weekend but during the week in the daytime they're very quiet. The food is simple but tasty."

I nodded and took Pam's diary out, skimming through it quickly for the name Holly and trying to ignore the more sexually explicit words that caught my attention. By the time we had finished our burgers and the waitress was asking if we wanted more drinks, I had finished my search.

"Nothing, there's no mention of her at all by name."

"Did you read anything about that private club Yvetta mentioned?"

"No, I didn't get that far. The last thing I read was when she ... spent time with Amelia for the first time."

Eric nodded but looked curious as he saw my discomfort. "Was it bad? Did Pam get hurt?"

"No, she certainly did not." I smiled wryly and shook my head. "She had a great time from what I read."

"Ah! Descriptive Pam strikes again." He laughed and took the diary from my hands. "I think maybe Pam missed her calling, she should have been one of those erotic fiction writers."

"Well I've never read a raunchy romance like this one."

"You read romance novels? I thought they were for spinsters and bored housewives?" Eric smirked.

"I prefer mysteries and thrillers but now and again I've been known to pick up something racy from the library."

Eric chuckled and shook his head. "Why don't we go out to the car and see if Holly answers the phone?"

I nodded and took out my wallet to pay for my half of lunch. Eric just looked at me and rolled his eyes before signalling to the waitress. We left a very generous tip and by the way Eric was rushing to the car, he was just as anxious to know what Holly could tell us as I was. He dialled the number and put it on speaker again, it rang for a long time before it was picked up. I had to strain to hear the quiet, girlish voice on the other end.

"_Hello?"_

"Hi, my name is Eric. I was hoping to speak to Holly."

"_Speaking. Are you the guy that spoke to Belinda, the redhead?" _It made sense that the escort would tell Holly that she'd given her number out to someone and why they might be calling.

"Yes. She told me you shared an apartment with Amelia. When was the last time you saw her?"

"_Look, I'm at work right now and I can't really talk. But I know you're looking for someone. Come to my apartment at six, we can talk there."_

I took a pen from my purse and jotted down the address she gave us. Eric ended the call and looked at the time on the dash; it was only 2pm. We decided to go back to my place and try to get more information so we could compile a list of questions for Holly.

OoOoO

_12__th__ April 2010_

_A & Y took me to a place called 'Le Petits Morte' tonight. It was amazing. I say club, but it was really an orgy. It was one of those places where you would walk past if you didn't know it was there, the first room was just music and kissing and dancing but there were back rooms where you could go further. I love how A pushes my boundaries. Tonight, for the first time, some guy took me doggy while I went down on Y and watched A sit on her face. I've never cum so hard in my fucking life. A said the guy who fucked me was an expert and that he worked there. She knows a lot about that stuff, including some private club. You can only get in if you know the owners name, she said she didn't want to take Y there because she had a big mouth and would tell everyone about it._

"Wow, she really knows how to set the scene huh?"

Eric scooted away from me a little on the couch; while we'd been reading the diary we'd gotten a little smooshed together. I could see a blush on his cheeks and there was a tingle in my private place. I felt a bit dirty for getting horny reading everything when Eric seemed so uncomfortable with it.

"Yeah, I guess when she decides to tell her journal everything she goes all out."

He made a non-committal noise and checked the time on his phone. I made us a light dinner and was surprised Eric was so at ease in my home. When I compared it to his shiny domicile, it was a little messy but it was clean and it had lots of personal touches. I thought about how impersonal Eric was in his pursuits and it made sense that his home would be a reflection on that. We finished just in time to load the dishwasher and head out to Holly's apartment.

It was in a nice part of town, with a security desk in the lobby. The man at the desk had a badge that said Wybert and he had a thick accent when he called up Holly's apartment to check she was expecting us. He pointed to the elevator and told us to go to the 3rd floor. When we stepped out, there was a young woman waiting at a door for us. She looked very nervous and she was hugging herself like she was cold. When we got closer I could see she had black circles under her eyes and her lips were chapped and looked really sore. I stretched out my hand in greeting.

"Hi Holly. I'm Sookie and this is Eric. Thank you for agreeing to talk to us."

"Sure." She leaned out and checked the hallway. "Come inside."

We followed her into the sparsely furnished living room; it was completely at odds with what we'd seen of the rest of the building. Everything looked grubby and old. Holly offered us drinks and I took the chance to look around a little while she was in the kitchen getting them. There were some photos in cheap frames sitting on a windowsill; they were of Holly and another girl. The other girl was fresh faced with a pixie style haircut and a cute button nose. Holly came back in while I was putting the picture down.

"That's Amelia. She's why you're here, right?"

Eric nodded and perched on the sofa stiffly. "Yes, we were told she lived here with you. Have you seen her recently?"

"I saw her on Saturday night. She was really tense, but she's always like that when she's working someone."

"What do you mean 'working someone'?" I asked as I moved to join Eric on the sofa.

Holly sighed and sat down opposite us with her head in her hands. "What do you know about Ames? How did you hear about her?"

"Our friend went missing and all we have to try and find her is a diary she left. Amelia was mentioned in it, along with Yvetta and a club called 'Le Petits Morte'. Can you tell us anything else?"

I could tell from Eric's tone that he just wanted answers and wanted out of there, my eyes were drawn to a conspicuous stain on the sofa next to me and I understood his need for haste completely.

"You're looking for Pam, aren't you?" Holly sighed and stood up. "Seeing is believing, follow me."

I watched as Holly walked toward a narrow hallway, she stopped just before the arch and turned back to us.

"Trust me. You need to see this to believe it."


	4. The Dark Side

**The Diary Trail**

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and put this story on alert. Also thank you to all of you have added me as a favourite author - I'm very honoured. **This story delves into some pretty dark themes with prostitution and drug abuse, it's not a fluffy romance at all, you have been warned!**  
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**Chapter 4 – The Dark Side**

As I walked toward the door Holly was standing at, the strange smell that permeated the apartment grew stronger. It wasn't coming from the room we were about to enter but another room close by. It smelled like burning and chemicals and something stale, it was sickly and sour at the same time. It definitely wasn't Febreeze or if it was - she should take it back for a refund. Holly turned around to look at us before she turned the handle and all of the pieces of the puzzle clicked together. Her appearance, the smell, her jumpy behaviour – was she on drugs? As if the thought of seeing what was behind the door wasn't ominous enough, now my trepidation reached levels I didn't think were possible.

Without thinking, I grabbed Eric's hand. I felt him stiffen somewhat before he squeezed lightly. I turned to look at him and was met with his blue eyes full of an emotion that was similar to my own. He glanced briefly at Holly's back before bringing his eyes back to mine; it seemed that Eric had reached the same conclusion as I had. Holly pushed the door open and I closed my eyes, not knowing what we would find on the other side.

"This is where they run everything."

Her voice snapped my eyes open and I stared at the room full of monitors and wires. I stepped forward, following Holly into the den of technology and tugging at Eric's hand so he wouldn't stay outside and leave me to this alone.

"Run what, Holly?" I frowned as she walked over to a keyboard and punched at some buttons.

"The whole operation."

She gestured to the monitors; they were showing a number of different places. One looked like a group of secretaries, another looked like an empty nightclub but my eyes were drawn to the one with the most activity. At first I thought it was a group of people fighting, then I looked closer.

"Are they ..."

"Oh that's Telete, but we just call it the pit. That's where the workers who are too far gone go; the clients don't care if they're ... y'know ... _with it_."

"Too far gone?" Eric asked and walked around to stand in front of the screen with his back turned to it, blocking both our eyes from the sight of the gyrating bodies.

Holly opened her mouth to speak again but her intercom buzzed and fear crossed her features. "Shit! You have to hide!"

"What?"

"Why?"

Eric and I questioned at the same time, but we didn't get an answer. Holly pushed us toward a closet in the room, opening the door and bundling us inside as her intercom sounded angrier and angrier. She slammed the door closed, leaving Eric and I squashed together in the small dark space. I heard her footsteps and her voice as she answered the buzzer.

"Eric, do you have a clue what's going on here?"

"Uh ... no. But whatever it is, I think we need to go to the police when we get out of here."

"_If_ we get out of here."

The footsteps sounded again, quicker this time, and the door was flung open to reveal a very scared Holly.

"You guys need to shut up, the walls and stuff ain't too thick in here. He can't know anyone is here."

I opened my mouth to ask who but the door was slammed closed again. The only illumination was from the small strip of light coming in from under the door and there was no way for me to move without brushing against Eric. I wasn't sure how I felt about that and I was even less sure of how Eric felt about it. The front door opened and closed and muffled voices could be heard. I strained to hear everything over the sound of my own heartbeat.

"Here you go, Holly, remember – that has to last you all week."

"It will, Andre, I promise! Thank you!"

"Good girl. You remember what happened the last time you used it too quick, don't you? You don't want to go back to the Pit again, do you?"

"No, Andre, I don't wanna go back there. I like being at the call centre."

"Whether you like it or not, you didn't file the paperwork right. You're a good kid Holly, I feel bad you got caught up in all this but if you can't do the job I can't help you and you know Ames and Soph won't put you back in circulation when you're on junk."

"It was Soph that got me into junk Andre, are we done here or do you wanna lecture me some more about getting in with the wrong crowd?"

"Shit, Holly, you don't need to be so bitchy. Go and get your fix. Not in the arm though, you're starting to get track marks."

Footsteps came toward us and a door nearby slammed closed; it made the walls of the closet shake. I still hadn't heard the front door open or close again, so I had to assume that whoever Andre was, he was still in the apartment. I jumped at the sound of Eric's whisper.

"Sookie?"

"Yeah." I whispered back, trying to stop my voice from shaking.

"Remember what I said about prostitution not being all dark and seedy?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wrong. I'm scared for Pam."

"Me too. Are you okay in here? You're not claustrophobic or anything, are you? I don't think I could handle you freaking out."

"Surprisingly I'm fine. Are you starting to freak out?"

"I'm not sure."

"Holly I'm just going to check the monitors then I'll leave."

Andre's loud voice resonated through the apartment, making me jump again. Eric's arms went around me and I buried my face in his chest. He was stiff as a board against me, and I was willing to put a lot of money on him reciting the same internal mantra as I was.

_Don't look in the closet. Don't look in the closet._

I clung to Eric like a limpet as I listened to Andre walking around the room beyond the door that hid us from sight. He mumbled and tapped at buttons before cursing and leaving very quickly, slamming doors and shouting as he made his exit.

"Holly, there's trouble at the kitchen. I'll see you next week."

For a while after that we simply stood in the closet, I could feel Eric's heart thumping against me as I was glued to his torso. I had no idea how long we stayed in there, it could have been minutes or hours. The apartment was silent except for the sound of our breathing in the confined space. The acrid smell of something burning permeated the air. I cleared my throat and pushed away from my hiding partner.

"I think it's safe to go out now."

I felt Eric's body move as he nodded and reached out to open the door. His hand stayed on the handle as he took a breath. "I don't mind being stuck in here with you. I mean ... I mind the stuck part and the hiding part but the proximity ... I don't mind that at all."

I opened my mouth but quickly closed it again. There wasn't much I could say to that. 'I'm glad you enjoyed being squished in a tiny space with me' didn't seem like an appropriate reply considering Eric had problems getting close to anyone. The door swung open and I took a deep breath, instantly regretting it when the scent of whatever Holly was cooking filled my nostrils. It smelled like someone had tried to recreate the smell of cold, stale coffee using chemicals. I gagged and felt Eric tugging at my clothes. My eyes watered, the smell was getting stronger, but I could see Eric had pulled his shirt up to cover the lower half of his face. I was wearing a dress, and I knew if I tried to cover my face with it I'd be flashing whoever could see, but at that moment I didn't care.

We ran out of the apartment and Eric hammered the call button for the elevator. My eyes were drawn to his toned stomach and the 'V' of his hips where his low slung jeans rested. Then the view was obscured by his shirt again and I realised I still had my dress covering half of my face. I looked at Eric to find his eyes trained on the top of my thighs where my baby pink lace boy shorts were on full display. I dropped the fabric and smoothed it over my legs again, noting Eric's disappointed stare as I did so. I barked out a cough, making his eyes snap up to mine again. Thankfully the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, interrupting the awkwardness.

"So, where to now? The police?" I asked as he pressed the button for the ground floor.

"Well." Eric puffed out his cheeks and sighed. "We've got drug supply and use, possibly several places running sex clubs and the indication that certain women are being targeted and groomed to work as prostitutes ... so, yeah, police it is."

I bit my lip, wondering if Eric was thinking the same thing as I was. "Do you think they got Pam hooked on something? She'd never inject heroin, I know that much, she's terrified of needles."

"There are other drugs." Eric shrugged. "I didn't know that about Pam, the needle thing. But now you mention it she went really pale a few months back when I said I was going to donate blood."

"Oh, you should have seen her when I went to get my tattoo!" I snorted. "I asked her to come in with me and she passed out when she saw the equipment."

"You have a tattoo?" Eric smirked. "I didn't see it."

"That's because it's hidden."

"Where? I mean, I've accidently seen quite a lot of you today and ..."

I sighed and turned around, lifting my hair out of the way and exposing the cluster of stars on the back of my neck.

"There, see, hidden. You thought it was somewhere else didn't you?"

"Yes, but in my defence, you often find the nice girls are the ones with sexy tattoos on their private places."

"My tat isn't sexy?" I mock-pouted at him but wiped the look off my face when I realised it might have seemed like I was fishing for compliments. "Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot or make you uncomfortable."

"It's okay. I like yours." My eyes widened as he licked his lips. "In the right circumstances and the right position, your tat is ... very sexy."

The elevator doors opened again just as my blush was reaching optimum redness. I rushed out but stopped at the mailboxes, making Eric bump into my back as I scanned the names. Apartment 3b, H. Cleary & A. Broadway – bingo! We tried to act casual as we walked back out past Wybert, I smiled sweetly at him and Eric nodded but when I glanced back inside through the glass doors; I could see him having a very animated conversation on the phone.

OoOoO

It was 4am when we finally got out of the precinct. Detective Arlene Fowler, vice, had interviewed us together and separately. Eric had told me not to mention Pam's diary, he said it would feel like we were incriminating her. I didn't tell Det. Fowler about it, not because it might incriminate Pam in any wrongdoing, but because I wanted to know what happened and find her myself – not sit by the phone and wait for some cop to update me on the investigation. Maybe it was selfish; maybe it was withholding evidence but it was driven by my need for Pam to be found by someone who cared for her, not handcuffed and dragged out during a raid.

I was bone-tired after talking and aching all over from sitting in the hard plastic chair. I was also bitterly disappointed. The judge had issued a search warrant for Amelia and Holly's apartment at 11.30pm but by the time the vice squad got there, it had been stripped and all that was left was Holly's dead body. Cause of death was attributed to a heroin overdose, which led to another round of questioning for Eric and I. The good thing that came out of it was that Pam was now officially a missing person and the police were also searching for, and investigating, Amelia Broadway.

Eric swung into his parking spot at his apartment block, until the engine in the car switched off I had been in such a daze I had no idea he wasn't taking me home.

"Aren't you taking me home?" I yawned out the last word, rudely, but figured it was 4.30am and I'd had a hell of a day – I didn't care if it was rude.

"We learned a lot of things today, scary things, and we've been through the ringer. I know _I _don't want to be alone, do you?"

I thought about that a little, not for long though. I _would_ feel better if I knew someone else was around. "Okay, I hope your couch is comfy. And you'll need to take me home tomo ... later on today so I can shower and change."

Eric nodded and looked relieved. "Thank you, Sookie."

We entered Eric's home and he gave me a basic tour. Where the bathroom was, where the cups and coffee were kept in case I woke up before he did. The final stop was the second bedroom, which Eric had turned into an office. It, thankfully, had a much comfier looking couch to the two he had in his living room but it was still very neat and angular. I went to the bathroom to wash my face, and relieve the pressure in my bladder from all the vending machine coffee I drank at the police station. I heard a tapping at the door followed by Eric's voice telling me he was pretty sure he had a spare toothbrush in the cabinet over the sink. I checked and smiled when I saw that there was, it was identical to the toothbrush that sat in the holder and after I used it I didn't want to put it in the same place in case Eric got mixed up between them, so I sat it on the sink behind one of the taps.

When I went back into the office, Eric was placing a pile of blankets on the couch. He was wearing some dark blue plaid sleep pants and that was all, I could see the muscles in his back tense as he realised I was behind him. When he turned around, I struggled to keep my eyes on his face. He looked really tired; although I didn't look so hot myself from what the bathroom mirror showed me.

"Uh ... do you have a shirt or something I could wear to sleep in?"

He nodded and went back out, I took the opportunity to sort out my makeshift bed with the selection of sheets and blankets Eric had left there. I heard him clear his throat from the doorway and turned to see him holding something soft and grey out to me. When I reached out for the shirt, Eric stepped forward at the same time, our fingers brushing against each other as I took the shirt from his hands.

"Uh ... if you're not comfortable here, there's plenty of space in my bed." I arched an eyebrow at him and smirked. "I mean, if you get upset ... thinking about Pam and where she might ... anyway, I'll leave my door open and my lamp on in case you don't want to be alone."

I nodded and said goodnight, standing in the doorway and watching him walk down the hall. When he got to his room, he stopped and turned back. The look on his face broke my heart. I couldn't help but think that his little offer of comfort if I got upset reflected how he felt. Maybe _he_ wanted comfort? Maybe _he_ was upset thinking about all the awful things Pam might have done and seen?

"Eric?"

"Yes!" His features brightened.

"Are you okay? Would you like some company?"

"Uh ... well, only if you want to." I smiled and nodded, holding myself back from shaking my head, typical man. "I promise to be a gentleman."

"I'll be there in a minute; I'll get changed in here."

I quickly stripped off my dress and then stood for a while, contemplating whether to take my bra off. I never slept in my bra but I didn't want to send any mixed messages. In the end, I decided to take it off and go for physical comfort. At this point, seeing as we live in the south, I was probably safer with Eric than most girls were with their cousins. I padded down the hallway and peeked in the room. It was very ... ordered. Eric was sitting up in bed, his very lickable chest on full display. I knew my smile was strained but I hoped he would put it down to exhaustion rather than hormones. Luckily, he slept on the left. I always slept on the right with John, and even now I gravitate toward that side even though I had the whole king size bed to myself.

Eric pulled down the covers and smiled at me as I got into bed. The bed shook as we lay down and huddled under the covers, trying to get comfortable. It was a very nice bed and the fact it smelled like Eric made it even better. He reached out and tapped the base of the lamp to turn it off, my eyes accustomed to the dark and I could see him looking back at me. There was movement and I jerked slightly when I felt Eric's hand touch my arm, my breath hitched as his fingers trailed down from my bicep to my wrist until he reached my hand and squeezed it with his own.

That's how we fell asleep and that's how we woke up the next day.

OoOoO

True to his word, Eric was a complete gentleman. I caught him checking out my legs a couple of times when I was having a coffee before I got dressed and there was some very obvious boob staring after I'd been in the fridge for the milk. But there wasn't any leering or any suggestive comment. It was almost 11am when the alarm woke us up, for me that was a horrendously long lie in but when I considered it had been almost 5am when we went to bed, I changed my mind and thought it would be good to stay asleep all day.

Eric had to be at Baldur's Gate by 12pm, so we had to hustle for him to drop me off at my apartment and make it to work on time for the deliveries. I actually felt sad when I entered my empty home, knowing I wouldn't see Eric until after he had finished working. I showered and threw on my favourite worn out yoga pants and long sleeve T-shirt and settled on my couch with a large cup of coffee and Pam's Diary.

_21__st__ April 2010_

_A & me went to LPM just the two of us tonight. She said there was someone she wanted me to meet without Y there. I was surprised when Sophie-Ann turned out to be about 10 years older than us, she looked like one of those high powered lawyers with her skirt suit and French roll, anyway, she was hot and she liked being in charge. A gave me another shooter, it wasn't absinthe this time_. _She said it was apple schnapps with an extra kick. Wouldn't tell me what the extra kick was but about an hour after knocking the booze back I was horny as hell and ready to take on the world. A made sure I drank plenty of water and I needed it cos I was screwing and sucking on anyone nearby. Guys, girls, Ames, Soph and they were more than happy to return the favour; I came so many times I lost count. Amazing buzz but today I feel like hell, like I drank 20 shots instead of one. I'd do it all over again though._

And there it was, the moment we'd been looking for, the moment where Pam went from sexual experimentation to recreational drug use. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of drug they gave her. I was pretty sure Heroin couldn't be used to spike a drink; roofies wouldn't make her horny and energetic. Maybe it was ecstasy? My knowledge of drugs could fill the back of a postage stamp, I smoked some weed in college and threw up afterwards, never went near anything else after that. Suddenly I had the answer. I already knew someone who went to Le Petits Morte and I had her phone number. I just hoped Yvetta would talk to me. The phone rang once before it was picked up.

"_Sookie?"_

"Hey, Yvetta, are you okay?"

"_I'm fine, have you heard from Pam yet?"_

"No, but we've ... found out some stuff. Like about Le Petits Morte and that she was given drugs of some kind. How much do you know about Amelia?"

"_Not much at all, I'd seen her around plenty at Hudson's. We seemed to go for the same girls, sometimes we shared but other than sex we didn't hang out with each other."_

"Have any of the other girls she was ... hanging around with just stop coming to Hudson's?"

"_Y'know, now you mention it, yeah. I just figured she got them involved with Petits and then they realised Hudson's was too tame."_

"I see. Have you ever noticed any drugs going around at Petits? Drinks being spiked and stuff?"

The line went very quiet and I had to ask if she was still there.

"_I'm still here; you have to understand that some people ... they like to loosen up in different ways. Petits is known as a good place to really throw off your inhibitions, sometimes a little meth goes a long way."_

"Is it addictive? Like heroin grade addictive?"

"_Depends on the person, I've tried it a couple of times and never got a real jones for it but others ... have addictive personalities."_

"I see."

"_You think Pam got hooked on meth?"_

"I'm not sure. I'll need to investigate further. Thanks for talking to me, Yvetta, I really appreciate you giving me the inside info."

"_Y'know, if you want, I could take you to Petits? Maybe you can see what you're missing? And that big blonde guy ... Eric, he can come too."_

"I'm really not into all that kind of thing. I'm very reserved compared to you and Pam."

"_No, I mean see what you're missing like following Pam's footsteps, seeing it through her eyes. Maybe you missed something by not going there, I know you really want to find her – you wouldn't be asking questions about meth and Petits if you weren't working off a list of clues."_

"You're right that we're working off a list of clues, but I'm not sure going to a sex club is the best course of action."

"_Well, if you change your mind you know how to find me. You take care."_

"You too, Yvetta. Bye."

Did Yvetta have a point? I now knew what Amelia looked like, and I also knew the names of other people involved with ... whatever Pam was involved in (I didn't want to think about my best friend being drugged up and kidnapped into prostitution). We could go to Petits Morte and I could maybe ask if anyone had seen Andre or Amelia or Sophie-Ann. I didn't have to say I knew them just that someone said I should talk to them. About what, I had no idea; maybe I could say that I'd heard they knew where I could have a really good time? That sounded lame.

I tried to tell myself it was a bad idea. It was an idea on the same scale as wondering what happens if you leave the lid off the blender, or wanting to find out how far down the garbage disposal goes with your hand. Following Pam's trail to a sex club, especially with Eric and his general hotness in tow, was a very bad idea.

So why was I already wondering what I would wear?


	5. CtrlAlt  Enter

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is.

Spoilers: Character spoilers for all books.

Rating: MA/18+

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**Chapter 5 – Ctrl/Alt ... Enter**

_**A/N: WARNING! This story contains references to drug abuse, prostitution and other very dark themes.**_

I sent Eric a text to let him know I'd spoken to Yvetta and found out what drug they had given Pam. I also mentioned checking out Petits. While I waited on his reply, I actually went to my wardrobe. All of the scenarios Pam had described in her diary popped into my head and my imagination went wild thinking about _me_ being in those situations ... with Eric. My phone rang as I was raking through my lingerie drawer.

"Hello?"

"_It's Eric, when exactly did you lose your ever-loving mind?"_

"What the hell does that mean?" I replied sharply.

"_They know we're searching. Holly's apartment was cleared out and she was found dead - dead, Sookie, as in not living anymore. These people aren't fucking around and now they know that we're on the scent."_

"Oh. Well ... how much do they really know about us anyway?" My brain screamed at my mouth for being so damn flippant when Eric was voicing an extremely valid concern.

"_Well, for a start they know what we look like. Even if there weren't cameras in the apartment block, the security guard will be able to describe us. Anyone asking questions about Pam, Amelia or Andre will be suspect. If we go on to their turf and start quizzing people, we might as well buy some T-shirts saying 'hey, please kill us' for the occasion."_

"Okay, I get it now ... I just ... Yvetta made it sound like a good idea. It sounded exciting, y'know? Going undercover in a sex club, like an R rated Bond and Moneypenny teaming up to find Q. Besides, what other avenues do we have to continue the search?"

"_It's not as simple as just strolling in, we have to be careful now, Sookie. I can't stop you from going, but I won't be playing Bond to your Moneypenny in Le Petits Morte. Christ knows what you could catch from going in there!"_

"We're in this together, Eric, I won't go without you and you've made me see sense about it. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think we could just walk in there. You know I'm in my bedroom picking out some clothes for it?" I laughed and, thankfully, Eric joined me. "I knew it was a bad idea, I don't know what I was thinking, seriously!"

"_Would you really want to go somewhere like that? With me of all people? It would be too awkward for words."_

"Awkward? So ... you thought about it too?"

"_For a second, my rational hat slipped a little. I need to get back to this paperwork or I'll never be done here, I'll come to your place as soon as I'm done okay?"_

"Okay, call me when you're leaving Baldur's so I can start dinner."

"_Will do, Sookie, see you later."_

"Bye, Eric."

I dropped the black chiffon chemise I was holding back into the open drawer and went to make more coffee. Of course Eric was totally right! Why didn't I think of all those things before?

_Because I'm so intent on finding Pam, my own safety came second to reacting to the evidence._

I decided to dispense with the coffee and go for a nap instead. Maybe some sleep would wake up my self-preservation skills.

OoOoO

My heart was racing when I was jolted from my sleep by the ringing of the telephone. I'd had a very ... risqué dream involving Eric and several different types of foodstuff. My stomach growled as I picked up the call, at least I knew where the food inspiration came from.

"Hello?"

"_Hi, it's Eric; I'm just leaving the bar. I'm going to stop at my house and shower before I come over. Be there in forty."_

"Wow, is it that late? I fell asleep and ... no wonder I'm starving! See you soon."

"_Lucky for some. Bye."_

"Bye."

I hung up and ran into the kitchen, curling my lip in distaste at the way my panties were sticking to me after my subconscious decided to take my libido for a spin. After I checked I had everything I needed to make a quick stir-fry, I rolled my hair up in a clip and jumped in the shower. I made it a cold one. My intercom buzzed just as I was lowering the heat on dinner so it wouldn't burn. Same as last time, I answered and left the door open a crack while I went and sorted our meal onto plates.

"Smells great in here."

I turned to smile at Eric; he was carefully placing a bag next to the sofa. He was dressed for comfort, much like me, with a racer-back shirt and loose fitting jeans under a zip up hoodie.

"Well, I hope it tastes as good as it smells. I planned to make fried chicken but there wasn't enough time."

"There's always next time." Eric winked and was shovelling the food in his mouth before his (very attractive) butt hit the chair.

We ate in relative silence, Eric made the occasional noise signifying he was enjoying what I'd made, but there was no small talk. No need to fill the room with idle chatter. We were ... comfortable. I cleared away the dishes and was getting cups out for coffee when Eric spoke.

"Dinners on me next time."

"What?" I dropped the cup on the floor and it broke into pieces.

"Dinners on me next time, I might not be a great cook but I can order take-out like nobody's business." He frowned, having no clue that I really had been thinking about dinner being 'on' him.

"Oh! Yeah, that would be great!"

I strained a smile and tried to remember, in my flustered state, where my little dustpan and brush set was. Once I'd cleaned the mess and made the coffee we sat in the couch. My laptop and Pam's diary were sitting on the table in front of us.

"So, I was thinking about what you said earlier. About not having other avenues to search." Eric tapped the side of his cup with his short fingernails. "Le Petits Morte is out of the question, but that doesn't mean to say there aren't other places we can search."

"Like where? Pam hasn't mentioned anywhere else ... well, so far anyway."

"Then we keep reading. Yvetta ... I'm not sure how much she wants to help. How do we know that she didn't introduce Pam to Amelia so she would get drawn into that world? I just don't trust her."

I hadn't thought of that, it seemed unlikely but at this point the only people Eric and I could trust were each other.

OoOoO

_28__th__ April 2010_

_Ames took me to another club tonight. She said it wasn't a good idea to make LPM a regular thing because it was so open, as long as someone knew where it was they could get in. This place was very exclusive, Ames had to show a membership card and they asked to see my driving licence. Apparently, this club didn't even have a name; it didn't even stay in the same place very long. Ames gave me one of her special shots before we left, so I had a good buzz going by the time we got there. It was the back room of LPM times 10, you couldn't look anywhere without seeing someone getting fucked or blown, I knew why Ames had given me a shot before we got there. It isn't as shocking when your energy levels are through the roof and your cunt is singing hallelujah at the first finger. _

"This has to be the club Yvetta mentioned, she said it was exclusive." Eric took the diary from my hands. We were sitting right against each other on the sofa; I'd been holding the journal between the two of us while we read. "I just can't believe how willing she was to take drinks that were obviously spiked. She didn't even seem to question what they were spiked with; she was just interested in the buzz and having a good time."

I shuddered; I always thought Pam was level headed and sensible. "She always had a wild side, wanting to experience new things but this is something completely different. But when she met Bill, that part of her just disappeared. I thought she had just ... I dunno ... grown up? Maybe she was repressing it and when the opportunity arose she grabbed the bull by the horns?"

Eric shrugged and put the book down, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. I thought about everything I had heard, seen and read in the last few days and realised how much I had changed.

"Y'know, on Saturday night if you'd have told me I'd be perfectly fine reading my friends diary, not at all shocked at what she wrote in it and was perfectly fine with visiting a sex club to find out where she was ... I'd have to ld you to shut your dirty mouth."

I felt one of Eric's warm hands clasp mine and inhaled sharply as his other hand cupped my cheek to turn my face toward him.

"If you had told me that we'd be sitting practically on top of each other reading about Pam's sex life, I'd have called the psychiatric unit to haul you away."

There was a brief moment of intensity between us, our eyes burned into one another. Then Eric blinked and smiled. The moment was gone, or maybe I just imagined the moment to begin with?

"A psychiatric unit, huh? Nice, I'll remember that Eric."

He took his hands away from me and I got up to make more coffee. I was rinsing the cups and flicking the coffee maker on when I felt something on my shoulder. I squealed, it was an awful girly sound but at least it wasn't a scream, and turned to find Eric standing very close to me.

"You don't want more coffee?"

"No ... do you have something stronger? My mind is going round in circles and some alcohol would be better than coffee if I want to sleep tonight."

"Oh, all I have is a bottle of four roses my brother left last year. I'm not one for drinking. Even if you just had one you'd be over the limit to drive home ... unless you want to stay here. I slept better last night, having someone close."

"Me too."

His voice was quiet but you could hear he sounded surprised to be saying it. I pulled a glass and the bottle of bourbon from the cupboard and sat them on the counter for him. Eric poured two fingers in the glass and gulped it back before slamming the glass back on the counter and pouring more into it.

"Wow, you're really knocking it back! I have a spare room, if you want me to make up the bed?"

"You won't share your bed with me?"

"I didn't say that. I was just offering to make up the spare bed ... same as you did with me last night."

"I want to be close to you. It's ... something I haven't wanted for a very long time, hence the alcohol." He waved at the bottle. "I'm confused and Pam isn't here for me to talk to her about it."

"Well, I'm sure you'll work things out on your own." I smiled and rubbed his bicep. Big mistake. His skin was soft and his muscles were hard. My mind went into overload thinking about how that arm would feel wrapped around me. I pulled my hand back and stepped away from him. "We should get back to finding Pam, while thing are still fresh in our minds."

Eric nodded and cleared his throat. "Y'know, there's a big community out there for sex clubs and the like. I'm sure we could find something on the internet."

"That's a great idea but ... where do we start? Where do we find these communities?"

"Google." Eric flashed a winning smile at me and opened my laptop. "So would sex clubs come under ... uh ... fetish or BDSM?"

I stared at Eric with a blank expression. "I have no idea. These communities aren't really mainstream though, it's not like you're going to stumble on the details of the club on a blog or something."

"I'm not looking for details on the club, just trying to find someone who might know about it."

I walked round so I was standing behind him and watched as he tried different words and phrases in the search engine. A familiar page popped up and I leaned over to point at the link.

"Hey, that's the forum I looked at when I searched for Red Candy."

"Then it sounds like a good place to start."

Eric clicked on the forum and looked at the threads, nothing really stood out except the phrase in bold letters at the top of the subject board.

**You must register with the forum to view all topics.**

So, we did. An account for Erkie was created, now we just needed the forum administrator to approve it.

OoOoO

We registered for three forums before deciding to turn in for the night. There wasn't anything else we could do except wait, and we might as well sleep while we did that. I had some anxiety as I led Eric to my bedroom. Would he think it was too messy and cluttered? Would he start moving my furniture around? Did he have anything to wear? The last question was easy, so I asked him.

"Uh ... I didn't think of that. I don't think borrowing one of your T-shirts would work for me."

His smile was a little lopsided and it made tingle in all the right places. I averted my eyes as he started to pull his shirt over his head and scampered into the bathroom with my night clothes. When I'd gotten inside I realised I'd picked up what I usually wear, a small cami and shorts. I was nervous about walking out wearing so little but figured if I ran quick enough he might not notice. We were at a point where there was genuine friendship mixed with the attraction, the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was throwing myself at him and making him run for the hills.

I took a deep breath before opening the bathroom door and attempting to make a break for it, only to slam right into Eric's chest as he waited outside for his turn. An 'oof' noise escaped my mouth before I bounced off him and landed on my butt. Before I could work out where I was, two strong arms were pulling me back up on to my feet.

"Are you okay? I didn't expect you to zoom out like the devil was chasing you. Is there a spider in there or something?"

"Uh ... no, I'm just really ... tired and wanted to get into bed as quickly as possible."

Our eyes met for a second before Eric's dropped and took in my outfit. Just to make things worse, my nipples pebbled under his gaze. I cursed inwardly; my boobs might as well have jumped on to his face shouting 'look at us! We're here'. He looked like he was mesmerised by them, I made an executive decision and turned away from him, cheerily stating that the bathroom was free while I scurried toward the bed and threw myself under the duvet. I hid under the covers until I felt the other side of the bed sink under Eric's weight.

"Sookie, are you okay?"

"Yep, I'm fine. Nothing wrong here at all, goodnight!"

I pushed the covers down a little and reached over to turn off the light, when I rolled back I was right next to Eric. His hard body was warm, I squeezed my eyes closed and started to wiggle away from him when an arm caught me around the waist.

"Can I hold you?"

I froze, not knowing whether that was a good idea or not. But it was Eric who asked, it was on his terms. If he didn't feel comfortable holding me he wouldn't ask right?

"Sure, Eric."

I placed a hand on his arm and squeaked when he pulled me against him, my back flush against his chest. Eric inhaled loudly before exhaling and quietly groaning at the same time, I felt his nose press on to the top of my head. Did he smell my hair? Whether he did or not, it made no difference to the fact that I was obviously in the arms of a champion snuggler. I relaxed in his hold and tried to ignore the part of him that was jerking against my rump and hardening. I certainly did _not_ contemplate moving my hips against it. Not at all. Honest.

OoOoO

I woke up the next morning and started to stretch, arching my back to loosen the muscles, but soon halted when the arm around me pulled me closer. Eric nuzzled the back of my neck, pushing my hair out of the way with his nose and planting lazy kisses on the exposed skin while grinding his pelvis into my thigh. Certain parts of him were more awake than others.

"Mmmmm ... Sookie." He murmured into my shoulder.

When his hand started to creep up my ribcage and cup one of my breasts, I tensed. Eric didn't do the intimacy thing, no matter how much I wanted this to happen, there was no telling what his reaction would be if touched him and he woke up while I was groping him.

"Eric?" I spoke loudly and clearly, making him jump back and sit up in the bed.

"What? What's wrong?"

"You were feeling me up in your sleep." I sat up and turned to face him. A smirk graced his features.

"I was?" His smirk turned to a frown. "You stopped me."

"Uh ... yes."

"Why?"

"I ... well ... I wasn't sure how you would feel if I reciprocated and you woke up."

"But you wanted to?"

"Eric." I sighed. "You're very attractive, if a little fucked up, and it's been a long time since a man touched me. What do you think?"

Eric scooted a little closer, looking at my breasts and licking his lips. "I think ... next time you shouldn't stop me."

Just as he leaned in to kiss me, my alarm clock went off. I shrieked in surprise and Eric jumped away from me, falling off the bed in the process. I scrambled to the source of the noise and slapped the off button while Eric laughed from the floor on the other side of the bed. In a way, I was glad the tension was broken. I really needed food and coffee before my brain could tackle the complexities of whatever was going on between Eric and me.

After breakfast we had some time before Eric had to leave for work, so we logged on to see if our forum memberships had been approved. Two had, but the last one required us to reply to a private message from the administrator. I thought it was a little heavy handed, but Eric explained that it was to deter spammers and trolls or people who didn't have much interest in the movement. I guess it made sense that they wouldn't want to discuss such personal stuff with people who would only scoff at them or judge them. We opened the PM, not really knowing what to expect. It was simple enough questions but they would make it harder for those who were signing up simply for titillation or to rag on people's life choices.

While we waited for the membership for Ctrl/Alt to clear, we scoured the other two forums for any clues about the mysterious club Amelia had taken Pam to. All we managed to find out was where you could buy the best collars and that red, peep-toe stilettos really got the community in a frenzy. I sighed and slumped in the chair.

"Well that was a big fat waste of time."

"Not necessarily." Eric smiled and pulled the laptop closer to him, typing and clicking furiously before turning it back to me. "There, if you don't ask – you don't get."

I stared at the screen and noticed that he had started a new topic.

**Posted by Erkie:**

**Hi, I'm new here but I heard about a club that was pretty wild and free. I don't know the name or where it's based, other than Shreveport – from what I've been told it moves around but I don't know why. Has anyone else heard of it and could maybe give me some information?**

Eric was right, how were we supposed to find things out if we didn't' ask? Had I gotten too used to information falling into my lap? I nodded at him and left a similar post on the other forum we were cleared for. All we had to do was wait ... again.

We had created a gmail account for all of the forum information to be sent, and Eric made sure to subscribe to the topic we started so any replies would be emailed to us. He went to Baldur's gate for the day and I sat in front of my laptop, religiously pressing F5 on my browser every five minutes.

OoOoO

_17__th__ May 2010_

_It's getting harder to concentrate at work or at home. It's just so boring, I wish I could give it up and spend my time getting buzzed on Ame's meth-shots and getting screwed six ways from Sunday. When I have that kick that the meth gives me, it's like everything in the world is okay. I can be tied up, tied down, fucked on the swing or spend three hours licking and sucking at Ame's sweet pussy and drinking down her cum – it's all good. There was a fight at the club tonight, apparently someone from a community called Ctrl/Alt found out where the club was and their leader came down to berate people for having a good time. Fuck him. There's nothing wrong with what we're doing._

I sat open mouthed at the words; there was something _very_ wrong with what Pam was doing. Drugs, casual sex with multiple partners with no respect or affection ... that wasn't anywhere near right. It chilled me to the bone that the leader of a BDSM community would feel it was necessary to visit this club and try to point out problems. It made me feel better about finding the Ctrl/Alt forum – at least we now knew that the groups weren't connected through Amelia, Andre or Sophie-Anne.

I put the diary down and made myself something to eat, even if I didn't have much of an appetite. I busied myself, clearing up after my sandwich and making the bed before deciding it was about time I got out of the house. I pulled on my sneakers and took a slow jog around the block before going back inside and sitting down at my laptop again. I had been so busy trying to forget my sadness at Pam's attitude; I had missed the chimes of the emails that had come into Erkie's inbox. There were a few replies to our thread, but most of them didn't give any information we didn't already know. They just mentioned that it sounded really exclusive and hard to get into. But one reply caught my interest.

**Posted by Lady_Sechrest:**

**I have heard about this 'club'. Someone who isn't me went there once and it was enough, they have no respect for the lifestyle and no respect for each other. It's all about lack of control, not giving control or accepting control. I would urge you to reconsider visiting this club if you have a genuine interest in BDSM as it bears no resemblance to what you would experience at an organised community such as Ctrl/Alt or Black Orchid. With both of those communities, the participants are aware (i.e. not drugged or drunk) and the leaders are respected members of the public (i.e. not linked to illegal activities at all). When a club has no name and moves around, it's fair to say that it's probably at risk of being raided for one reason or another.**

Her last comments gave me pause; it was like she knew that this club was linked to Red Candy and the Meth distribution. I was itching to send her a PM to try and get some more info but I didn't want to do that without Eric around. We were in this together.

OoOoO

_30__th__ May 2010_

_Soph introduced me to someone tonight. Apparently he was some big shot oil tycoon from Arabia; he went nuts over my blonde hair and blue eyes but didn't want to play. It was a shame because I could see how big his cock was as he rubbed it through his pants when he watched me get spit-roasted by Andre and Siegebert. I made Andre lie down while I sucked him off and Siegebert pounded into me so I could see the look in this guy's eyes. I know he wants me; it's just a matter of time before he gives in. After he left, Soph looked really pleased. She told me how much I impressed the guy while she kissed and licked my swollen slit better._

I yelped at the sound of my cell chiming as a text message came in, something was off about Pam's last diary entry. She craved the attention the people at this club gave her, all she wanted to do was please them – it didn't matter who they were. It made me feel like I'd missed something about her all these years. She always seemed so self-assured and confident; I had no idea where this desire for validation came from.

_**Almost done at the bar. Meet me at my place; bring an overnight bag and your laptop. Eric xx**_

I guess I was having another sleepover with Eric then.

OoOoO

Eric's corvette was in his resident space when I got to his complex. I hauled my bags up the stairs and knocked on the door. When Eric answered and I saw his smile, I realised that I had missed him today. He took my backpack and laptop bag from me and pointed to his coffee table. It was covered in plastic dishes containing a selection of tapas. He had good taste.

I was hungry and Eric must have been too, we ate quickly before I helped him clear everything away and set his living room to rights. I set up my lappy and dug Pam's diary out of my bag while Eric made coffee. Soon we were settled in front of our resources and I had filled him in on everything I had learned while he was working.

"Wow, so it seems like whatever Pam was doing, it was frowned upon by people who are actually living a BDSM lifestyle. I mean, some of them are into some pretty extreme stuff. So that kind of scares me." Eric thumbed the pages of Pam's diary as he spoke. "Oh! I got a call from the Police today. Nothing new, just that there would be an announcement on the local news and papers, they asked if I could send them a recent photo for it."

"So they didn't have any information on Amelia or Andre or Sophie-Ann?"

"Nope. I asked but they said they couldn't divulge details of an open case."

"I guess that makes sense."

Just then the lappy chimed telling us there was a new email. It was from Ctrl/Alt forum and it wasn't telling us they would be happy to have us.

**PM to Erkie from FDCDom:**

**Erkie. Although I appreciate your prompt reply to our application PM, I have noticed on other forums that you are interested in facets of the BDSM/Fetish world that we do not endorse. I regret to inform you that we are not interested in those who wish to partake in activities that could damage the already misunderstood reputation that our community has. Thank you for your interest.**

"What do we do now?" Eric turned to me, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.

"I ... I don't know, Eric. One thing I _do_ know is that I don't want whoever this person is to think we're looking for free sex and drugs. In Pam's diary she mentioned how someone from that community came to the club and, in her words, 'berated them for having a good time'. I think we can tell them some of the truth – maybe they'll help us?"

Eric nodded and typed out our reply.

**PM to FDCDom from Erkie:**

**We apologise for any offense our posts on the other forums caused but we only seek information. Our friend has gone missing and was last known to be involved with the club we asked about. We have been investigating her disappearance and stumbled upon some disturbing evidence. But when we reported it to the police, the evidence had been removed and our informant was found dead. I'm sure you can understand why we are hiding behind the veil of appearing interested in this club when there is more at stake than our reputations.**

**You seem to know things about this club; we would appreciate any information you could give us that might lead to us finding out where our friend is.**

"So that tells them that we're not _really_ interested in the club itself." Eric tapped at his chin, deep in thought. "Anything else you think we should add?"

I shook my head. "No, but there was that Lady Sechrest person from the other forum – maybe we should PM her with something similar?"

Eric nodded and sent Lady Sechrest a PM too, although there was a lot less information. It was a basic 'sorry to be misleading but we're looking for a person not the club itself' note. It all seemed so slow going and fruitless, when we actually went out and met with people and visited the places and people Pam mentioned it felt like we were making more progress. It was more gratifying. This angle was like fly fishing, cast your line and see if you get a bite, going out on the street and making calls was like net fishing – you caught so much you had to spend time sorting out what was useful and what wasn't.

Going by the dejected look on Eric's face, he preferred the more active option too. It was getting late, not quite my usual bedtime but pretty close, so I went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. I made a point to pack proper pyjamas and my own toothbrush this time. I walked back into the living room showing very little skin with a clean face and minty fresh breath. Eric was reading Pam's diary on the couch, his face was flushed pink and when his eyes snapped up to look at me he squirmed uncomfortably.

"Are you okay, another descriptive Pam attack?"

"It's like reading porn." Eric smiled wryly. "Except I have the urge to use brain bleach to get the images of Pam out of my head."

"Oh, I've got a cure for that! I don't picture Pam when I read the sex parts; it makes things a lot easier."

"So who do you picture? We might as well be imagining the same person." Eric grinned.

"Uh ..."

My brain scrambled to come up with a name, someone, anyone but me. I took too long answering and Eric's eyes widened as he realised what the delay was.

"You imagine it's you?" I closed my eyes and nodded slowly. This ranked very high on my list of conversations I don't ever want to have. "Can _I_ imagine it's you?"

Well, I didn't expect _that_.


	6. Casting a Wide Net

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is.

Spoilers: Character spoilers for all books.

Rating: MA/18+

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**Chapter 6 – Casting a Wide Net**

_**A/N: WARNING! This story contains references to drug abuse, prostitution and other very dark themes.**_

I blinked, wondering what the best answer would be. Not the _right_ answer but the best. Did I want Eric to seriously see me as a sexual creature? Of course. Did I want Eric to imagine me in a number of sexual scenarios? Hell, yes! Unfortunately, Eric took my moment of pondering as a denial of his request.

"I'm sorry, that was very forward of me. You don't have to answer." He moved away from me, to the other side of the couch and looked around the room. "Would you look at the mess in here? Time to clean up before bed."

"Eric, wait." I reached out and circled my hand around his wrist. "You don't need to apologise, I was just ... surprised by it, that's all."

He scratched at his head, pulling some of his long hair from where it was held back by a leather tie. "It's been a long time since I ... propositioned a woman. I guess I'm out of practice."

"You don't have to proposition me, Eric; I'm already sleeping with you." I giggled, the giggling was mostly because I didn't know what else to do and I was nervous. "For the last while you've been used to having Pam to talk to and having ... escorts for the ... uh ... other stuff. I don't want you to regret anything we might do, so I'm letting you lead."

Eric stood up straight and nodded, looking thoughtful. "I wouldn't want to regret anything. Not with you. Being in your company feels very natural and ... easy, but more. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it does."

I let go of his wrist and watched him clean up the non-existent mess. It involved moving the coffee table an inch and taking the cups through to wash. Eric was right about how it felt spending time with each other. Once we got the initial discomfort out of the way and aired our dirty laundry, things had become ... organic, free-flowing. I didn't think twice about spending time in his bed to comfort him and he had no problems being so close to me, despite what his previous encounters with girlfriends had exposed him to.

We curled up in bed that night, back to holding hands rather than spooning. I wasn't entirely sure what my feelings were toward Eric and I was even less sure of how he felt for me. But it was obvious there was something there, and it was something new that I hadn't experienced with any other man.

OoOoO

I was dreaming. I knew I was dreaming because even though Eric was kissing me and stroking my most intimate places – Pam was tapping me on the shoulder angrily and telling me to wake up. Her voice sounded weird though, it was deeper. A lot like Eric's, in fact. I woke up when she pulled my hair and made a strange part-growl, part-groan and part-grunt noise to find I was lying on top of a very disconcerted and warm Eric. My leg was hitched over his hip and my centre was pressed firmly against what had probably been Eric's erection, only it wasn't so erect now. My belly felt damp where my pyjama top had ridden up and Eric cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"You wouldn't wake up, you just kept ... going and ... uh ... is sleep dry-humping a recognised condition?"

I leapt off of him, my face so hot I thought it was on fire. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry Eric, I was dreaming and ... how can you make jokes about this? It's practically rape!"

Eric sat up and grabbed my shoulders firmly. "It was _not_ rape. If I didn't want it to happen then I could have easily thrown you off me but ... you were there with the rubbing and it's been a while ... I should have stopped you. You did that for me this morning, it would have only been fair for me to do the same."

"Well, I guess what's done is done. You ... uh ... you should clean up a little."

"It's just as well we don't sleep naked." Eric grinned and pulled new sleep pants from a drawer before padding out of the room.

The magnitude of what had almost happened hit me full force. At some point, if things continued on the current course, Eric and I _would_ sleep naked. Sleep-sexing doesn't usually involve condoms. I jumped out of the bed and ran to find my cell phone, setting a reminder for me to call the doctor about birth control.

OoOoO

Since the ... incident had happened at 6am, we got back into bed and napped until nine before going through what was becoming a very nice routine with breakfast. I briefly wondered what would happen when my personal time was up and I had to go back to work. But that was an issue for another day. A day where Pam was home safe and we could help her come to terms with everything that has transpired. My mind immediately went to Bill. How could we tell her, after reading every selfish thought in her journal, that her husband was dead? Would she care?

It seemed I was thinking about Bill at the right time, my cell rang out and the name Lorena flashed on the screen.

"Hi Lorena. How are you holding up?"

"_Sookie, it's ... we're fine. Just arranging things. Bill's funeral will be on Saturday, is there any news about Pam yet?"_

"No, we're still looking but she's registered as a missing person now, at least the police are looking for her too. So, Saturday?"

"_Yes, we couldn't hold it off any longer, the funeral home refused to keep his body for more than 6 days when there was no need for a post-mortem."_

"Of course. We're doing our best to find Pam and get her back home. Do you want us to tell her about Bill?"

"_I think the sooner she knows the better, whoever finds her first will need to tell her."_

"I understand. Hopefully we'll find Pam before then but even if we don't we'll be at the funeral."

"_We? Are you and Eric a couple now?"_

"Uh ... we're working together to find Pam and spending a lot of time together but I wouldn't say we're dating or in a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario."

"_Oh, my mistake. I'll pray for you guys and that we see Pam soon."_

"Keep strong, Lorena and take care."

"_You too, Sookie."_

I sat my cell on the coffee table and looked at Eric. He was looking at my cell, so I picked it back up and put it in my purse. Eric smiled at me and beckoned me over to look at something on my laptop. It was another PM from FDCDom, as I read through it my eyes widened.

"He wants to have a meeting with us ... at his club?"

"Yeah, he definitely knows more than he's letting on in this message. I know where this place is, it's not far from the bank we use for Baldur's."

"He didn't say what kind of club it is."

"I've only seen the outside of Shibari, but the people queuing up to get in looked kind of gothic."

"No latex shorts or whip carrying?" Eric shook his head. "So if we wear black we should fit in fine."

"Yep, this place is legit, a proper bar and club – there won't be anything going on that the public could stumble on to. I'll tell him we'll be there at ten that gives me time to change and pick you up after work. I'll pick up something to eat on the way home."

I nodded and took some clothes out of my bag, heading to the bathroom to get dressed. Eric said I could shower there but if I was going out to a club that night I would shower when I got home so I had all my products on hand. Once we were ready, Eric gave me a soft kiss on my forehead before getting in his car to go to work. It was nice, it was affectionate ... it made me smile most of the day.

OoOoO

I stood in my robe, staring at my wardrobe. I didn't own Goth clothing, I owned Sookie clothing. In the end I teamed up one of my black pencil skirts that I wore to work with a black Basque that hadn't seen the light of day since John bought it for me. Luckily, the Basque was satin rather than lace. Unluckily, it was a cup-size short of fitting me properly. My girls were more exposed than I usually liked and I raided the depths of my closet for something to give me more coverage but the only thing that came close was my ice-blue bolero jacket that matched my old prom dress. That's when I saw it; it was an awful, shapeless, shift dress that I had bought before trying on and never got round to returning on time. Black polyester with a lacy overlay, but take the polyester away and it would be perfect. I snipped carefully at the seams while dinner was in the oven and by the time I had finished my pizza, I had a lacy cover-up to complete my outfit.

Early evening was spent on tenterhooks, pacing my living room in my black pumps that I kept for work. I checked my make-up at least ten times between seven-thirty and eight and by the time 9pm rolled around I was a nervous mess. My intercom buzzed and I rushed to answer it, Eric was waiting for me outside the building. I double checked I had everything we might need, including Pam's diary, and locked my door with shaking hands.

I was scared that it was an elaborate trap, no matter how ridiculously contrived it would be. I was scared that he might ask for something in return for helping us. I was scared he would tell us to forget about Pam because she was in too deep. I was just plain scared. And when I looked into Eric's eyes as I walked out of my building, he was scared too.

We didn't really speak as we drove through the streets of Shreveport. When we got to Shibari and parked outside, we sat in the car for a few minutes before getting out and joining the line to get in. Eric placed his hand against the small of my back, it was warm and comforting, I leaned into him and his hand moved around to rest on top of my hip.

"You look great, Sookie, black suits you." Eric murmured in my ear as we shuffled forward. "Are you worried about this?"

I nodded and turned my head to answer, feeling his lips brush against my temple as I did. "Yeah, you?"

"A little ... after going through Red Candy and Holly, I have no idea what to expect."

When we got to the entrance, the doorman looked us up and down before lifting the rope. Eric stepped toward him, earning him a growl. I gripped the fabric of Eric's jacket and tried to stay smiling.

"Hi, we have a meeting here tonight with Felipe. Our names are Ricky and Susan. Is there any way you could let him know we're here?"

The doorman narrowed his eyes and unclipped a small handset from his belt, mumbling into it and holding one hand to his left ear. I arched an eyebrow at Eric and he shrugged before leaning down to whisper.

"I'm not stupid enough to give this guy our real names. Ricky and Susan seemed like good names at the time."

"Okay, you're early; Felipe won't be ready to see you for twenty minutes. You two need to go in and wait at the end of the bar under the Miller sign."

We nodded and stepped into the building, Eric paid the cover charge and I paid for the coat check. The walls were rich red and the floor was dark wood, scuffed but clean. There were pictures on the walls of people tied with thin rope in intricate patterns, criss-cross diamond shapes of naked flesh between the twine and knots. There weren't vulgar, there were no intimate body parts on display, female backs, male torsos, thighs, ankles. They actually looked very artistic.

The music from the bar sounded just like any other bar, the people milling around looked just like the people you would find in any other bar. Well, with the exception that there was a predominance of black; black leather, lace, latex, corsets and collars. There were a couple of guys talking animatedly and looking at a board on the wall. It had 'Classifieds' in silver gothic writing at the top and was covered in little plastic pockets with white cards inside. I stopped at the board and Eric put his hand on my back again, like he didn't want to stray too far from me.

_Hand-made Leather goods._

_Finest quality, tailor made to your specifications. Bull whips and unique collars a speciality. Call for a free quote._

_Inexperienced but enthusiastic Dom seeks willing sub and trainer._

_Make your collaring ceremony something to talk about! Full catering, bar and DJ supplied._

Okay, so I didn't think it would be people selling bikes their kids had grown out of or sofas that didn't match the new decor, but I was still a little shocked.

"Are you looking for something in particular sweetie?"

"What?" I stared at the man who had spoken to me, he looked sympathetic and kind, another shocker.

"Are you looking for something?" He smiled at me and flicked his eyes to Eric. "First time huh?"

I smiled, relieved that he didn't seem to be laughing at us or making fun of us. "Yes, we've never been here before."

"Well, you kids stick together. Most of the folks in here are nice but there are sharks in the most placid of waters."

"Uh ... thank you." I smiled and nodded, tugging on Eric's shirt so he would move with me.

_Yes, thank you for that ominous warning. It's sure to put us at ease._

We dodged through the crowd, Eric's hand gripping my shoulder firmly but not painfully. The club was large, with a central dance floor surrounded by booths and a long bar against the right hand wall. I felt my shoulder being squeezed a little tighter and looked at Eric to see him pointing to the neon 'Miller Time' sign. The music was loud but not unbearably so, the crowd were polite and either moved out of the way when they saw us or smiled and nodded when I half-yelled 'excuse us please'. Thankfully, the sign was in a fairly quiet corner. There weren't any stools to sit on but we leaned on the bar and kept an eye on the two 'Staff Only' doors in front of us.

We ordered some drinks from the bartender while we waited. Eric had a bottle of beer and I had a coke, bobbing my head to the music as I sipped. My eyes closed and I swayed as the opening chords of 'Wild Horses' came through the speakers. When I opened them again, Eric was looking at me nervously, his eyes flicking between me and the dance floor.

"You like this song?"

I nodded. "It's one of my favourites, but you don't need to dance with me, its okay."

"It doesn't sound like the kind of song you dance to alone." He came closer and placed his hands gently on my hips. "I want to dance with you but ..."

"Not with all those other people who might sweat on you?" He frowned a little before nodding. "We can dance here, if you want, it's nice and quiet."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and we swayed together. I felt his nose nuzzle the top of my head and looked up into his eyes. He looked happy, content. For a second it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

"Ricky and Susan?"

We let go of each other and turned toward the voice. It belonged to a dark haired man; he looked like he was from Spanish descent. We nodded and he smiled at us, holding open one of the doors and gesturing for us to go through. There was a flight of stairs but just as we started to climb the door behind us slammed closed, making us jump.

"Please go into the office on the left at the top of the stairs."

His tone was firm but even, authorative and controlled. When we got into the office, it was in stark contrast to the bar below. The walls were light cream, the mouldings and furniture were maple or pine and there was a pale terracotta carpet covering the floor.

"Sit ... please." Eric and I perched nervously on the two chairs on one side of the desk while the man relaxed into a large, brown leather chair on the other side. "As you may have surmised, I am Felipe. I want you to tell me more about this missing friend and how you came to the conclusion that she was embroiled with Dunkelheit?"

"Dunkelheit?"

Felipe smiled. "That's what Sophie-Anne called the club before ... well that's a story for later. Right now, I'm interested in _you_."

Eric and I took turns in talking, telling Felipe about the messages Pam left for us, Bill, the diary, Hudson's Rock, Red Candy, Holly and her apartment and Le Petits Morte. Felipe nodded and listened intently, he didn't interrupt once even if he looked like he had a question. When we were done, he leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers, placing them on his lips and closing his eyes. I took the opportunity to glance at Eric; he was picking at a loose thread on the cuff of his long sleeved black t-shirt and worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Finally, Felipe spoke.

"I would like to see the diary." I looked at Eric and he nodded. I pulled the diary from my purse and handed it to Felipe; he smiled at me as he took it before flicking through the pages. "Yes, you can see the changes in your friend without even reading what she's written."

Felipe showed us the first entry and then flipped through to the last. The handwriting was different, on the first page it was curvy, feminine and clear and in the last it was hurried, spiky and harder to make out. In making the mistake of reading one entry at a time, we had missed this little detail. I would have to make a point of reading the whole thing, from beginning to end, no matter how much it disturbed me, no matter how much I wanted to put it down and look at the clues she'd left.

"From what I can gather, without actually reading this, Pam's story is one of many. Beautiful young women lured into a different world by the promise of excitement. Sophie-Anne always could spot someone ripe for corruption."

"You know Sophie-Anne?"

Felipe nodded. "Yes, but we are not friendly in the least. For fifteen years, I have been the master of Ctrl/Alt, the head of the community and the organiser of all of our activities. It doesn't suit everyone; some don't like the structure. I run things with a mix of old and new leather, but that is to ensure safety. Sophie-Anne used to be a member; she was one of those who didn't like structure, she thought it was stifling and un-needed."

He went on to tell us about how some of his younger members started missing sessions and he heard news of Dunkelheit, an exciting new club that had all of the fun but none of the rules. He had tried speaking to Sophie-Anne, tried convincing her that someone could get hurt, but she laughed at his warning. He told us about the rumours he had heard that Dunkelheit was no longer a club, but a brothel of sorts. A few men had entered Shibari expecting the same services in the months following its creation. Felipe attempted to contact the members of his community that had not visited in a while and found one who was willing to speak to him.

The girl, Diane, was in a very bad way when he went to see her. She told him about how a man, Andre, had become a partner in Dunkelheit and that Sophie-Anne called him her 'chemist'. Diane had been offered, and had accepted, a number of different drugs to 'heighten her experience'. Felipe took her to the hospital; she was treated for a number of injuries including a dislocated hip and a prolapsed anus. Diane told her story to the nurses, then the police. But by the time there was a raid the club had moved and it had never stayed in the same place more than a week since then.

"So, Diane was the only solid evidence you ever came across?"

"She is the only person ever to speak of their experience. When she was released from the hospital, she was found just hours later, dead from a drug overdose. Sounds familiar, yes?"

"Holly." I breathed out in a gasp.

Felipe nodded solemnly. "The Modus Operandi of Sophie-Anne and Andre is that they find young women and men, eager for sexual debauchery. Then they introduce them to drugs and have them earn money for them by having clients pay to use their bodies. The victims are unaware, often too high to string a decent thought together. Of course, a lot of this is assumed, with no evidence and no living victims, it's hard to really work out what they're doing. The police have been trying, and failing, to gather enough information to even bring Andre or Sophie-Anne in for questioning."

"So, Pam had been ... used for money?" I tried to swallow the bile that crept into my throat. I felt Eric squeeze my knee and I looked over at him, his eyes were haunted and brimming with unshed tears. "We need to get her out of there, we need to know where this place is and drag her out if we have to!"

Eric edged closer to me, our shoulders pressed against each other. "Do you know where it is right now, Felipe?"

"It ... it may not be as simple as that. Out of all of the men and women involved with Dunkelheit, you think there are only two who have tried to get away? If everyone stayed, they wouldn't need to recruit would they?"

"Oh god! Do they ... do they kill them? When they're ... all used up?" My cheeks were wet without me realising that I'd been crying.

"I think that a trail of bodies would be noticed. The occasional drug overdose here and there ... but more than a couple would lead to a pattern. And every dead body leaves evidence."

"So they're hiding the bodies?" Eric was confused, so was I until I remembered something in Pam's diary.

"Maybe there aren't any bodies to hide." I grabbed the journal and leafed through until I found what I was looking for. "Here, she mentions that Sophie-Anne was talking to some big shot oil baron and that he was really interested in her. Is it possible that they're ... selling people?"

Felipe leaned back in the chair again. "It's shocking and brutal but ... I wouldn't put it past them. I will find out where the club is these days, you say that Pam is now registered as a missing person?"

"Yes." Eric answered before his eyes brightened. "We find out where the club is and then we can call the police to say Pam has been sighted there. The police raid the place and we get Pam back!"

I looked at Felipe and he gave me a meaningful glance. He was thinking the same thing as me.

_What if Pam had already been sold?_

OoOoO

We left Felipe's office with the polar opposite of demeanours. Eric had fallen apart; he was clinging to me as if he was terrified I would leave him. I was numb; my brain was still processing having my worst fears confirmed. In a way, it was better like that. If we'd both fallen apart we'd never have gotten back to my apartment safely without calling a cab. Eric let me drive his corvette, which at any other time would have gotten me excited. But tonight it was necessary and not for pleasant reasons.

Once I had gotten Eric into my apartment and settled on the couch, I went back to his car for the bags he'd left in the trunk. When I came back in he was lying on his side hugging his knees, I had no idea why this was affecting him so much. He'd completely fallen apart. And I had no idea what to do or say to comfort him. I slowly sat on the couch and leaned over to put my hand on his thigh.

"Would you like some tea?"

He shook his head and looked at me. "Is there any bourbon left?"

"There is, but I'm not so sure it would make you feel better. I'll go and get it if you want?"

Eric nodded and I left him to get the bottle and a glass from the kitchen. I sat the glass on the coffee table and filled it halfway before screwing the lid back on and sitting the bottle of Four Roses next to it. He slowly sat up and rested his elbows on his knees before putting his head in his hands.

"What kind of person would _buy_ another person?" He reached out and swallowed back his drink, grimacing a little. All of a sudden the colour drained from his face. "Me. I _bought_ those women from Red Candy. I used them and paid them and never let them dwell in my thoughts once I was finished."

"Eric, those girls at Red Candy know what they're getting into. The situation with Pam is different; she had no idea what she was involved in. The escorts _know_ they're being used for sex in exchange for money, Pam didn't. You know I'm right."

Eric nodded and let me pull him into my arms. "Thank you for being here Sookie, I don't know what I would have done if you weren't with me."

I stroked his hair and held him even closer. My emotional outpouring could wait. I knew it was coming, but I knew that if we both fell apart at the same time then our search for Pam would fall apart too. My heart was exhausted when we climbed into bed. There was no awkwardness or resistance as we held each other under the covers and drifted into sleep.

OoOoO

We managed to avoid any sleep sexing that night, which was a relief but a little disappointing at the same time. Lord knows, we could have both done with the feeling of losing ourselves in something other than fear. But everything we learned from Felipe had tired us out, emotionally and psychologically. After breakfast, I left the house at the same time as Eric and made my way to my Doctor's office for my appointment to have a Mirena Coil fitted. It was a simple procedure and I was back home two hours after I left.

I put on a full pot of coffee and sat on the couch with Pam's diary. I was determined that I wouldn't stop reading for anything other than bathroom breaks, refilling my cup and eating. As I re-read the early entries I was shocked again at how desensitised I was to it. I noticed more things as the story flowed in front of me. The handwriting was the tip of the iceberg; you could see her outlook on life change from being inquisitive to being cold and selfish. But there was more there than the description of thoughts and sensations, she had started adding the addresses – like she knew it was going south and people would start to look for her. By the time I got to the last few entries, my face was soaking with tears.

_27th June 2010_

_Something is happening at the club, Siegebert has gone missing and no-one will tell me where he is. Ames says not to worry about him. For the first time in a few months I went out sober to the Warehouse on Benton Kelly Drive, they moved the club after that guy came in the other time. I dumped the meth shot, I felt like shit because coming down is the worst feeling you can imagine. But something isn't right. I noticed a lot of envelopes changing hands and hated myself for counting the number of people I fucked or sucked. 8, 8 people in one night. The worst part was when Ames asked why I was off my game. I told her I wanted out; I didn't want to go there anymore. She laughed at me and walked off, the next thing I knew I was in an office with Sophie-Anne and Andre. They knew everything about me. Bill, the bar ... everything. They had film footage of me doing the most depraved things. And I know they'll use it if I try to get away._

_15__th__ July 2010_

_Andre was in the car when Ames came to collect me tonight. They took me somewhere different, it was awful. The sounds, the smells, those poor people. Ames said it was an underground club called Telete on Caldwell Street, this was where you went when you pissed Soph and Andre off or if you had gotten so addicted to the drugs that you weren't able to perform anywhere else. I was scared shitless, anyone would be. They didn't say that I'd be thrown to the wolves there but the threat was there. Andre told me I had to cut my ties with the life I knew because things would change on the 24__th__. When I was taken back to the club, Andre demanded to know if I'd ever done anal. I cried because I've never did that, I thought he was going to rape me up the ass but when he dragged me back to the office the Oil Baron was there again. Andre told him I was perfect for him, they agreed on $200k. Apparently, if I'd been fucked up the ass before, the price would have been much lower. When I stood up to tell them they were fucking with the wrong woman, the Oil Baron punched me in the guts. I think he might have busted my ribs; I used to be stronger than this. I looked in the mirror, I'm a skeleton and my strength is just gone. I can't remember the last time I ate a full meal._

_23__rd__ July 2010_

_Clancy has noticed I'm acting weird, I can't let anyone know what I have planned. Almost all of the papers for the bar have been signed over to Eric. Anything personal isn't a problem that goes to Bill automatically. I'll never forgive myself for doing this to him. He was a good husband; I hope he finds someone worth his affection. I've made arrangements to see Sookie and Eric one last time; I hope they can help me. I got everything I needed from Ame's room-mate Holly, just in case, if it all goes to hell – they won't get me alive._


	7. The Hunt

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is.

Spoilers: Character spoilers for all books.

Rating: MA/18+

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**Chapter 7 – The Hunt**

_**A/N: *WARNING* this story contains dark themes including prostitution, drug abuse and people trafficking. **__I know you guys probably weren't expecting an update so soon, and this is quite a short one, but I just couldn't leave the last chapter hanging. This has been tough to write for me, I don't 'do' angst and I just want to get the bad stuff out of the way now._

I had to pull myself together, sitting on my couch crying over Pam's lost sense of self, and the possibility of her loss of life, wasn't going to solve this abhorrent puzzle. I grabbed the diary and my car keys and held my cell phone to my ear as I locked up my apartment. It rang and rang as I bounded down the stairs. Eventually the call was picked up.

"_Sookie?"_

"Eric, I need to get Pam's diary to the police. There's information in there, not just names but places and dates. We were wrong not to turn it over in the first place."

"_Okay, okay. I'll get Ginger to cover for me and meet you at the station. We're in this together Sookie, we both hid the diary's existence from the cops, we should both take the rap for it."_

"I don't care about that Eric; they had set her up to be sold – just like we were afraid of. I'll tell you everything when I see you; I'm just getting into my car."

I hung up without saying goodbye and tried to clear my head so I wouldn't have an accident. The police station wasn't too far away, but my eyes were burning from my tears and my head pounded with the stress of our dire situation. I parked haphazardly in the small lot and ran up the steps into the building, tripping over my feet a couple of times in my rush. I got to the front desk and panted, the look of horror on the desk sergeant's face told me I looked as bad as I felt.

"I have important evidence and information on the disappearance of Pam Ravenscroft-Compton and the death of Holly Cleary. I need to speak to Detective Arlene Fowler."

Another man came out of a door behind the desk; he was in plain clothes but had a security badge telling me his name was A. Polson. "I'll take it up to her; I was heading to that floor."

That voice! I recognised it but it took me a few seconds to work it out. It was the same voice as the man, Andre, had in Holly's apartment that day. The desk Sergeant and I both narrowed our eyes at him as he reached out and grabbed at the journal I had been waving around. I snatched it back out of his reach and hugged it to my chest.

"No! I'll give it to her myself; we have a lot to talk about." I tried to convey my fears to the Sergeant but he just looked at me like I was crazy.

The front door was flung open and Eric ran in. Noting my terrified expression, he gathered me into his arms. Without thinking I pointed to the person who had scared me and shouted.

"That's him! It's Andre, he's the one who sold Pam."

Andre stepped back with his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture. "Look, lady, I don't know who you think I am, but my name is Andrew Polson. I don't sell people; I'm just an administrator here."

Through the exchange, the desk Sergeant had been on the phone – hopefully to Det. Fowler. He told us to calm down and take a seat and suggested the 'Andrew Polson' should leave us alone. He looked back at us before he walked back into the office he had come out of, the hate in his eyes make me feel sick. But instead of scaring me completely, it only confirmed that I had been right in my assessment.

OoOoO

"So, let me get this straight." Det. Fowler leaned on the table and poked a finger in my chest. "You had this evidence all along but didn't think we'd be interested in it?"

"No ... we ... it was Pam's personal thoughts. We were scared she'd be arrested." Eric reasoned.

Det. Fowler was angry; her cheeks were almost as red as her hair. "Do you realise we could have brought these fuckers down days ago if you'd handed this in?"

"We didn't realise there was so much information in it until I read the whole thing. We thought we could find her ourselves."

"Well that was fucking stupid! You know that people trafficking is a federal offence? We could have had a hundred men on this case if we knew. We could have found her by now." She massaged her temples with her fingertips and took a deep breath. "Detective Bellefleur will be in to take your statements while I call the feds."

The rest of the day and night were a blur, Eric and I got separated to write our statements and I hadn't seen him in hours. I had told our story several times, to a number of law enforcement officers. I didn't know how many hours I had been awake; it was evening when I went to the station but now I could see the pinking of the sky as the sun rose. My stomach was in agony from the multitude of vending machine coffee I had consumed and the lack of decent food. When Federal Agent Norris came back into the room, I felt woozy. I was holding on to the table in front of me to remain upright.

"I believe, Miss. Stackhouse that you and Mr. Northman had the best of intentions by not handing over the evidence. It's not the first time we've seen friends or loved ones try to protect the ... reputation of someone who is missing or dead. Since there was no malice or desire to derail the investigation, we won't be charging you. But you have to keep out of this now. No more running around trying to find these people and your friend. You'll just get in the way and end up hurt."

I nodded slowly; I really couldn't manage to summon up enough energy to be enthusiastic about being let off with what amounted to a slap on the wrist. I was led back to a waiting area where Eric was sitting with his head in his hands. I went to him and looked up at me, his face was tear-streaked and his eyes were red rimmed. We embraced; the way Eric was holding me tightly to him showed that he felt the same as me. I just wanted to be close to him, I needed to feel him against me after being alone for so many long hours.

Agent Norris got one of the station officers to take care of us. She told us her name was Officer Clarke and took us to a small room with very comfortable looking couches. She brought us some tea from a little room off the one we were sitting in and handed us a cup each. Agent Norris came in and handed us our cell phones. I thought it was strange that they weren't with the rest of our belongings but he explained that they had to search through the text messages and other things.

"You guys look exhausted." She smiled warmly. "Just sit tight and chill, I'll organise a car for me to take you back home and you can pick up your vehicles after you've had some rest."

We nodded and sipped at the tea. It tasted bitter after all the awful coffee I'd had. I could see Eric grimace a little as he drank too. About ten minutes later, I was glad to see Officer Clarke, I felt woozier than ever – close to passing out. I hadn't realised I was quite that tired. Once she got us in the back of a squad car, I must have dozed off.

OoOoO

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I was freezing cold. The next thing was that I felt like I'd been sleeping on a very hard surface for a very long time. When I opened my eyes and blinked, I thought it was strange for my room to be so cold and dark. I tried to sit up my head was aching so much the action made me whimper.

"Sookie?"

"Eric? Why are you whispering?"

"Because I don't know where we are."

I tried to look around in the gloom but nothing was recognisable. "I don't know either. What happened?"

There was shuffling from a corner of the room and whispers in a language I couldn't understand before a female voice spoke to us in hushed tones.

"You two need be quiet. Mr. Andre come here and punish if you shout."

Her English was broken but the message was clear. I felt around me until my hands hit something soft and hard at the same time. Hands patted at my arms, making their way up to my shoulders before pulling me towards whatever I'd felt.

"We're in deep shit, Sookie." Eric's voice whispered right in my ear.

Deep shit wasn't the words I'd use to describe the situation. I remembered 'Andrew Polson' and the look he'd given me. Then I remembered Officer Clarke with her red hair pulled into a neat French roll, handing us bitter tasting tea and taking us away. Being probably drugged and definitely kidnapped could not be covered by a simple 'deep shit' description.

"Eric, what will they do with us?" I tried to keep my voice as low as possible, praying that we wouldn't be overheard.

"I don't know Sookie. I ... I just don't know."

OoOoO

There was no concept of time in that room. It could have been midday or midnight. I was so terrified the sound of my stomach growling made me whimper in fear. Eric and I held each other and rocked on the cold floor. We'd established that our cell phones had been taken very soon after I woke up. We had tried crawling around on the floor, trying to find a door or a vent or anything that might resemble a means of escape. When we had given up our search, we went back to holding each other. Later, it could have been hours or minutes, there was a screeching noise and the foreign whispers and shuffling kicked off again.

Halfway up the wall, a hatch opened. The small amount of light that came in was blinding and I blinked rapidly, trying to work out who was there. The voice gave him away before my eyes could acclimatise to the receding darkness.

"Who's ready for a little drive?" Andre wasn't offering to take us to the beach, of that I was certain. A small ladder was pushed into the ... hole that we occupied but neither Eric nor I moved. "It wasn't a request, if you don't move ... _now_ ... I can go and get help and drag you out of there."

I looked around and saw a group of girls, some of them seemed very young, and they all looked to be of Asian or Middle-Eastern descent. Slowly, they crawled to the ladder and ascended one by one. When one got to the top, she was thrown to the side so Andre could pull the next one out. Eric and I stayed where we were. When the two of us were the only ones left in the hole, Andre crouched in the small doorway.

He turned his head and beckoned to someone before coming through the hatch and jumping down the ladder. He moved faster than I anticipated, I had no way of dodging his foot as it was swung toward my stomach. I bent double in pain and heard a scuffle before a dull thud. When I opened my eyes, Eric was on the floor in front of me, unconscious with a small trickle of blood running down his forehead.

"Wybert, get your ass in here." Andre shouted before lowering his voice. "We don't have time for this shit."

The security guard from Holly's apartment block came in and Andre ordered him to take me out then go back and help him with Eric. Wybert wasn't careful or gentle, my head was bumped against the doorway and my knees were scraped against the edge of the hatch as I was pulled out of the hole. A bag was put over my head almost as soon as I was out, before I was blinded I saw Officer Clarke, if that was even her name, holding out ropes to bind my wrists.

OoOoO

Because I couldn't see, all of my other senses were heightened. Whether my fear made it more noticeable was anyone's guess. I could feel the fresh air on my hands and smelled the sea but it wasn't clean, it smelled dirty. The noise of an engine running, a big engine, maybe a big van and voices shouting to each other caught my attention.

"Is he waiting?" The woman holding me shouted.

"Yeah, he said he'd take care of those two since they were both blonde and blue-eyed too. Guy was more than happy to be getting three for the price of one and said he'd wait as long as was necessary." That was Andre's voice; they must have gotten Eric out of the hole.

"Greedy fucker, he knows not to hang around as soon as we've delivered doesn't he? The feds are on the prowl, we can't have him getting caught and it leading back to us." I didn't recognise this voice; it could have been Wybert because it was male and deep.

"What did you do with their phones?" Officer Clarke asked. That's what I'd like to know too.

"I left them with Amelia. She said as long as they were turned off it was cool." The other male spoke again.

We stopped walking suddenly. My arm was yanked back to prevent me moving away.

"And where is Ames?"

"Back inside, setting the fires ... oh fuck! You said the Fed gave them their cells back right?"

"Stupid bitch! They were probably tagged, I told her to dump them with the squad car."

I was pushed from behind and landed hard on the rough surface beneath me. I could hear Officer Clarke's shouts for Amelia as she got further away from me. I was picked up and carried; I could hear the sloshing sound of water and a bumping noise. It reminded me of when we used to walk down the pier to go to my Dad's fishing boat. I tried to let the noise of the waves and creaking wood calm me, struggling now could be fatal. But there was another noise, it distracted me, and it must have distracted everyone else too. I was dropped onto something warm, I felt with my fingers that it was wood, and tried to concentrate on that distracting noise.

It was a helicopter. But there were other noises - sirens.

Sirens meant the police. After my recent experience, I could only hope that the Police meant freedom.

I rolled onto my knees, thankful that my ankles hadn't been bound, and tried to get the hood off. It was tied loosely with twine around my neck, probably to stop it from falling off while I was bundled around, I couldn't untie the knot but managed to pull the ends of the bag out from the twine and pull it off. The daylight was blinding. I stayed on my knees while I blinked away the pain in my eyes. There was more shouting, more voices, but I couldn't make out what they were saying over the gunfire.

Suddenly I was pulled to my feet; I turned to see it was a very large Arab. He was snarling and yanking at my arm as he fired rounds from a shiny hand gun and walked backward. I turned to see a yacht and realised that was where the engine sound had come from. Not a big van. The Arab dragged me up the gangway and threw me onto the deck, right on top of Eric and ... Pam!

He was still leaning over the edge and firing his gun, there were screams of pain mixed with the shouting and the gunfire and the helicopter. It was overwhelming and strangely gave me a new sense of survival and optimism ... and rage. I shakily stood and rushed toward the Arab with my arms straight out in front of me. I shoved him as hard as I could and he toppled over the edge of the yacht and onto the gangway. My eyes widened in horror as he turned his gun on me. I fell backwards, back on top of my friends, as he righted himself and aimed at me.

I closed my eyes and felt my thighs become warm and wet as my bladder gave way to my fear. I screamed as the gun was fired.

I felt no pain, just a weight on top of me. I blinked open my eyes to see Agent Norris getting to the top of the gangway, gun in hand and the Arab sprawled on top of me with half of his head missing.

I don't know where I found the energy to scream and kick and wail like I did. All I know is that I kept going until the EMT put a needle in my arm.


	8. Recovery

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**Chapter 8 – Recovery**

_A/N: Okay, all the bad stuff is over now. I hope most of you stuck with me through it, I know for some of you it was hard to read. Sorry it's been so long between updates and this is so short, but I've had a lot of headaches because of the weather :o(_

I woke up to the sound of hushed voices. My mouth was drier than a sandpit in July. I opened my eyes and tried to work up enough spit so I could talk. The noise of my movement must have alerted the people in my room of my change in consciousness. A nurse in powder blue scrubs brought a glass toward me and inserted a straw between my lips. I sipped greedily before she pulled it away.

"You don't want to take too much right now dearie, baby steps. I'll just go get the Doctor and let him know you're awake."

I nodded and cleared my throat. "Which hospital am I in and where are Eric and Pam?"

Now I had my bearings, I could see that it was Detective Fowler and Agent Norris in the room. He nodded to the Detective and she came over and perched on the bed. The movement made me aware of a dull pain in my wrist; I looked down and saw I had a thick elastic bandage covering my left arm and hand.

"You're in Schumpert, Eric and Pam are here too. Do you remember a lot of what happened, Sookie?"

I shook my head. "I remember everything but I have no idea where we were or who those people were. I think ... I _know_ we were drugged and taken away by Officer Clarke; we woke up in a hole, like a cellar. Andre, Andrew Polson, opened the hatch, dragged us out and tried to get us on the boat. Then you guys showed up."

"You were in a small abandoned area on the shore of Lake Caddo. From what we can gather, they had planned to take you across state lines to Texas in the yacht and they had a private jet waiting at Cypress River."

"Okay, can you tell me how my friends are? Eric got knocked out before we were pulled out of the hole and Pam looked unconscious in the boat."

"Eric has a concussion but he's awake and seems physically fine other than that, he wanted to come up here and see you but the Doc ordered him to rest at least overnight. Pam is ... she had been kept sedated for a number of days. We don't know what drugs they used yet, she woke up a little a couple of hours ago but she was so traumatised the doctor had to sedate her again."

Agent Norris said he would go and let Eric know I was awake. Det. Fowler watched me expectantly, waiting for my reaction to the news of how my friends were. A Doctor came in and told me what I pretty much already knew; bumps, scrapes, badly sprained left wrist and, more than likely, mental and emotional trauma. I could deal with the known elements later, right then I wanted to deal with the unknown. Just like ripping off a band-aid, I wanted to go and see Pam and Eric and see for myself how they were.

"Do you think it would calm Pam down if I was there when she woke up?"

Detective Fowler looked at the Doctor and the he nodded that I was fine to get out of bed.

"No doubt it would, do you feel up to it?"

I sat up and stretched my arms before swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I was shaky as I stood and the nurse ran out and brought a wheelchair into the room. Detective Fowler was looking at me like I was a puzzle; by the time we got into the elevator I was sick of it.

"What? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I snapped, making the nurse jump in surprise.

Det. Fowler coolly raised an eyebrow at my outburst. "You're very calm for a person who's gone through what you've been through."

I laughed, it was bitter and cold. I'd never had reason to laugh like that before. "Trust me, I've done enough crying and wailing the last two days to last me a lifetime."

"Still, you'll probably need counselling. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, it's better if you go. I can recommend some very good counsellors."

I nodded and stared at the doors of the elevator. Counselling, doctors ... I didn't care about any of that right now. I just wanted to know my friends were okay. After I saw to Pam and let her know she was safe, I would go and see Eric.

I was wheeled into Pam's room and the first thing I noticed was the beeping of her heart monitor. I got out of the chair and sat on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in mine. A Doctor came in with a syringe full of something.

"Are we ready to try waking her up again?"

I nodded and steeled myself for the worst possible reaction as Doctor Crane placed the syringe in the valve on the back of Pam's hand. The beeps on the heart monitor sped up and Doctor Crane looked concerned. I rubbed Pam's hand with my thumb and spoke gently to her.

"It's okay Pam; you can come back to us now. It's safe, no-one is going to hurt you here."

Her eyelids fluttered but didn't fully open.

"Pam, its Sookie. I'm here for you, please wake up."

I could see her trying to open her eyes. I kept speaking softly, asking her to look at me and holding her hand. When her eyes opened, I could tell she was going to look around the room before the person in front of her. I put my good hand on her cheek and leaned in, blocking her view of most of the room.

"There's my Pammy."

Her scowl told me everything. She always hated being called Pammy.

OoOoO

It took almost an hour for her to come round completely and start to speak. My presence there seemed to keep her grounded as the Doctor explained how much damage had been done to her. I tried not to cry, the last thing she needed was to think I was the one who should be comforted. The lab had found traces of Ketamine and Pavulon, a paralysing agent. Pam gripped my hand tightly, as she nodded. Doctor Crane mentioned that the level of vaginal and anal tearing that she displayed was consistent with repeated, frequent rape and sodomy.

Again, she nodded.

That worried me more than anything. It was almost like she knew all of that already.

"Pamela, none of this seems to be shocking you." Doctor Crane's voice was gentle but serious. "The fact that you have Pavulon in your system leads me to believe that you were awake during the process."

Again, she nodded.

My efforts not to cry fell by the wayside. "Pam. There's more ... when Bill found out you had gone missing he went crazy. He was in a really bad accident and ... I'm so sorry Pam."

"He's dead?"

"Yes. I don't know what to say; on top of everything you've been through and now this ... I wish I didn't have to tell you about Bill."

Pam took a deep breath. "In a way ... I think him dying would have been better than finding everything out. He would never have forgiven me."

I gaped at her, had I always known Pam was this selfish? I'd never really noticed it before, but I was comforting a woman who would rather her husband died while he loved her than lived hating her.

"I know this is hard for you, but it's not been easy for me either the last week. I'm going to leave you for a while and get myself cleaned up ... I'll probably have to talk to the Feds again too. I'll come by later and see you again."

A single tear rolled down Pam's cheek. Again, she nodded.

I was about to walk out, but the nurse glared at me. I slumped into the wheelchair and she took me out of Pam's room to find Agent Norris waiting outside.

"Eric is asking for you."

"He was my next stop." I turned around in the chair and looked at the nurse. "Where are my clothes? It's just that, I don't have anyone to call and bring me new ones to wear ... and I don't really want to go home wearing the gown."

Agent Norris answered me. "I'm afraid the Doctor's cut most of your clothing off while they examined you, they weren't sure if you had major injuries and didn't want to disturb you too much. I'm sure we can swing a set of scrubs for you. Once you've gotten changed, fed and watered, we'd like to take a statement from you."

I nodded. "Did you find my keys? My cell phone? They were all I had on me when I was taken."

"Your keys and your cell were found. You'll get them back when you sign the discharge forms. We called you brother Jason, his name was down as next of kin on your medical records."

Jason? I hadn't seen or heard from him since Gran's funeral three years ago. "Oh? Did he say anything interesting?"

"It was ... strange. He seemed annoyed that we'd contacted him for something as frivolous as you being kidnapped and physically hurt."

"Yep. That's Jason. Unless there's money in it he doesn't care."

Eric's room was on the same floor as Pam's, so it didn't take long to get there. As soon as the door was opened, I was out of the chair. Eric was waiting with open arms. We hugged as well as we could with me having one arm out of action and drew back to check each other's injuries. I tentatively touched the dressing on his head and he brought his hand up to grab mine, placing a kiss on the palm and closing his eyes as he held my hand to his cheek.

"I've wanted to see you since I woke up." He whispered.

I curled on the bed in his lap and kissed his forehead. "They had to sedate me to get me to the hospital. I was a mess."

"You were very brave, from what the Police have told me."

I snorted. "I don't think pissing myself in fear is being brave, but whatever."

Eric's arms went around me and pulled me closer, his nose nestled in the crook of my neck and I felt his soft kisses on my collar bone. "I don't know what I would have done if I lost you."

"Me either."

I think I must have kissed every inch of his face, bandage and all. Eric may have missed a spot to the left of my chin but since we had moved on to full mouth on mouth kisses, I didn't really care. We both had a desperate need for affection and ... love. His tongue swept across my lips and I granted it access, massaging it with my own and slanting my mouth over Eric's. The joy of being lost in the kissing and groping didn't last long, As soon as Eric's hands cupped my ass, Agent Norris cleared his throat, breaking whatever spell we were under.

I rested my forehead gently against his and tried to catch my breath. "I wish I didn't have to leave you here tonight."

"I wish I could come home with you." He sighed. "So ... how is Pam?"

"Awful, Eric, just awful, the things they did to her. She looks like she hasn't eaten in weeks, she has so many bruises ... and I had to tell her about Bill too. I know it's selfish but I don't think I can handle dealing with her until I've come to terms with everything that happened to me."

Eric cupped my face in his big hands and looked into my eyes. "You're not selfish. You can't help Pam if you're in a mess too."

I nodded, blinking away the tears that had pooled and snuggled against Eric until Agent Norris got pissy again.

OoOoO

True to his words, Agent Norris managed to get me a pair of scrubs to go home in and also drove me back to my apartment himself. He left me his cell number and told me to call when I was ready to come down to talk to them. I was very eager to get that part out of the way, so I showered and ate as quick as I could, making sure to pop some Advil for my wrist before I called Agent Norris. He sent another agent, Agent Felton, to come and pick me up. My car was still at the station, I knew it would be a struggle to drive home with my wrist, but if I took it slow I'd be fine.

I was treated with kid gloves at the station as the Feds took my statement. I just wanted to get it over with so I could move on. After signing a few copies of my written statement, I was finally given some information. Andrew Polson and Sofia Clarke were real people, a real administrator and a real cop, working under the pseudonyms of Andre Paul and Sophie-Ann LeClerq. It explained how they were always able to avoid arrest and knew how to cover their tracks. Several properties belonging to Andrew and Sofia had been searched, a large amount of Methamphetamine and Heroin had been found along with technical equipment, security camera tapes of well-known people indulging in the services they offered, audio recordings of all the 'sales' they had made and detailed files on every person they had ever drawn into their world.

I was completely shocked at how their greed had overcome their human compassion. I drove home in a daze, not even noticing my wrist, and sat on my couch ... absorbing everything that I'd been through in less than a week. My cell was still turned off; I switched it on and looked at the date. Sunday 1st August. We had missed Bill's funeral.

Sure enough, my phone chirped with a lot of missed calls. Five of them were from Lorena; they ranged from annoyed to livid to concerned. There was a message from Agent Norris and one from Jason. I called Lorena as soon as I'd made sure there weren't any more pressing matters. She picked up almost as soon as the phone started ringing.

"_Hello? Sookie?"_

"It's me, Lorena, I'm so sorry we missed Bill's funeral ... we got kidnapped."

"_You could have just said you didn't give a shit about my brother, you don't have to make some tall tale to excuse yourself!"_

"I'm not ... we really _were_ kidnapped. By the same people who had Pam, we found her ... alive, barely. I didn't even know what day it was until I turned on my phone. I'm ... I really wanted to be there."

"_Are you okay? What about Eric did they get him too?"_

"They took both of us. Eric has a concussion and I'm fine other than being found hysterical by the cops and having a badly sprained wrist. Did the funeral go okay? Was there a good turn out?"

"_There was, his boss actually closed the office for a few hours so all his colleagues could attend. Russell read a wonderful poem in eulogy. Will you keep me updated on how Pam is getting on?"_

"Sure I will, she'll need a lot of counselling and I'm not sure how she feels about ... talking to people about what happened. But I'll keep in touch."

"_Thanks Sookie. It's a shame you weren't there to say goodbye."_

"I know. I wish I could've been. You take care, Lorena."

"_You too, Sookie, bye."_

I ended the call and searched the recesses of my brain. I couldn't think of another pre-kidnap thing I had to tie up. It was a good feeling. It felt like I could rest ... and concentrate on me.


	9. Big News

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is.

Spoilers: Character spoilers for all books.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

_A/N: Yeah, it's been a while. Sorry about that. Between colds and viruses and not being able to tear myself away from the Song of Ice and Fire books, this has been a long time coming. I'll try not to leave it so long next time._

**Chapter 9 – Big News**

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It had stopped by the time I sat up and rubbed my eyes. My neck was aching and the left side of my face was crusty with dried drool, but that's what I get for not going to bed when my body told me to and falling asleep on my couch. I shambled across the room, wondering who was calling me at 8.30am, then I realised that this was Monday. And right now I was supposed to be at work. I had asked Sam for a week off, and I'd been given a week, but I couldn't go back today. Not when everything was still so messed up in my head. Sam was a good boss; I knew that as soon as I explained what had been going on, he would be fine with me taking some more time. All I had to do was find a way to explain things. Just as I was about to dial his number my cell rang. I grimaced at the tiny screen as the name 'Jason' flashed across it.

"Hi Jase."

"_Sook, you didn't tell me you were gonna be in the papers."_

Smashing a people trafficking/prostitute ring was huge but I had completely not considered that my name would be mentioned in the media when they reported on it.

"That would be because I didn't _know_ I was going to be in the papers. There aren't pictures or anything are there?"

"_Nah, you're mentioned as being kidnapped along with some guy. You should sell your story; you'd get big bucks for sure. You need to strike while the iron is hot little sis."_

I groaned out loud, of course he wasn't calling to see how I was. Of course he wasn't calling to see if I needed someone to talk to. It was always money with Jason, the only time he ever contacted me was to ask for money.

"No, Jase, I won't be selling my story and even if I did it wouldn't matter to you."

"_Y'know, Sook, I could use some extra dough. Are ya sure ya won't reconsider?"_

"Definitely not, I have other calls to make Jason; I guess I'll hear from you the next time you want to borrow from me."

It was rude and it made me an awful sister, but I hung up without saying goodbye. Before he had the chance to redial my number I hit my speed-dial for Sam and waited.

"_Sookie, Chere! Are you okay?"_

"I'm not good, Sam, I know I asked for a week but ..."

"_Say no more Sook, I saw the news. You just come back to us when you're ready."_

"Are you sure?"

"_Sure I'm sure; we got a temp in to ease the load though. I never realised how much you do in here until you weren't around!"_

For the first time in what felt like a very long time, I smiled. "Thanks Sam, I guess you read the papers too?"

"_No, I watched KTBS. I have to say, I was shocked as hell to hear your name coming over the TV!"_

"Not as shocked as I would have been Sammy. I'm gonna go and get some coffee and something to eat. Thanks for being so understanding."

"_You just concentrate on getting yourself back together; I don't want you coming back before you're ready."_

"Okay, Sam, thanks again."

"_Bye Sook, take care."_

"You too, Sam. Bye."

Before I had called Sam, I was still half asleep, now I was fully awake. I was also very hungry, very much in need of caffeine and missing Eric like crazy. While my bacon cooked and my coffee brewed, I wondered about calling the hospital to see if he was getting out today. Would they give me that information? I wasn't related to him, or married to him, I was just his ... just his ... what was I to him? The smell of something burning interrupted my thoughts on the matter. I stared at the blackened meat in the pan and sighed. I'd been doing fine _not_ thinking about what was happening between Eric and I, just letting things develop. Now I'd gone and ruined it. And then there was Pam. I couldn't imagine going through what she'd been through, but her reactions were completely different to what I had expected them to be. She was cold, to the point of being almost devoid of emotion. Maybe it was shock, maybe she thought being in the hospital, safe, was a dream. Or maybe she had always been that way and I hadn't noticed before.

I put some bread in the toaster and tried to think of a time when I had seen her laugh with abandon in happiness, or cry with sadness or scream in rage. I couldn't. But that was why we were such good friends, wasn't it? I was the emotional one who led with her heart and Pam was the logical one who led with her mind. Like two sides of the same coin, she kept me grounded and I kept her heart light. I cried as I buttered my toast, I couldn't help but think that our coin had been snapped in two.

OoOoO

As suspected, Schumpert wouldn't give me any information on Eric or Pam. I sniffled and snuffled to the shower, in the shower and while I was getting dressed. I managed to make some lunch without burning anything but my appetite waned when my phone rang. Four calls in the space of an hour, all from reporters wanting my story. None of them sounded sombre or sympathetic, they all just wanted a juicy story to get their teeth into. It made me feel sick that everything we had been through was just the next big sensation in the news. I refused to elaborate on anything they asked me, simply confirming the facts as they knew them and politely letting them know I was in no position to discuss the ongoing case.

When it rang for a fifth time, I was ready to throw it in the garbage. But I was glad I didn't. Agent Norris' deep voice asked if I would be able to come and pick Eric up at the station since he had been released and had given his statement. I sagged in relief that Eric was okay and got myself together to go and get him. I tried to concentrate on the drive there, taking the corners slowly so I didn't hurt my wrist, but my thoughts wandered.

I was excited to see Eric but something niggled at my brain that maybe things would be different now that we knew where Pam was. We knew she was safe, the search was over. Would Eric still need me? Would he still want to spend time with me? A sharp pain as I turned into the small parking lot made me let go of the wheel. Thankfully I was going very slowly or I would have bumped into a cruiser but I managed to stop in time and carefully made my way to a spot where I didn't need to do any sharp steering to get in and out of.

The steps up to the door seemed steeper than they were before, harder to climb and more tiring. Or maybe it was all of my doubts and insecurities weighing on me. I walked through the door and up to the front desk. Before I could tell them why I was there, a pair of warm arms wrapped themselves around me and Eric's voice rumbled against my hair.

"I'm so glad you came for me Sookie. I didn't want to just show up at your apartment in a cab."

I breathed his scent and relaxed against him. "You're always welcome in my home Eric. Are you ready to leave?"

He pulled away and nodded. Just as we were about to walk out, Detective Fowler ran out and called after us. She handed me a list of names and numbers, therapists that specialise in PTSD, and stressed that we should pick one and make appointments. She even mentioned that going for a session together and with Pam would be a good idea too. We thanked her and went to my car.

"Do you need to go to your apartment for anything? I ... you're welcome to sleep over again if you want to stop off and grab a change of clothes." I chewed at my bottom lip, wondering if I'd revealed too much of my own wants and needs with the request.

"I was about to ask if it would be okay for me to stay with you. Not just a sleep over but ... maybe for a few days? I'm angry that I saw Pam almost every day but never noticed the changes in her and if I'm alone ..."

"You'll just beat yourself up about it. I get it and I'm here for you."

"I'm here for you too. And we both need to be there for Pam. I saw her this morning, her eyes ... they were the one part of her that could give away her mood but now they're flat, like she's dead inside."

"She's been through more than one person ever should, it's understandable that she'll be changed forever."

"This is different. You told me in her last entries that she seemed to be planning on not giving in to them and not coming back ... she was going to kill herself Sookie. What if we just put her plans off for a while? I saw her almost every day and I didn't notice the changes in her, sure we didn't talk much but I should have seen her wasting away."

There was nothing I could say to that. So I just kept my own silent counsel, wondering if she still had the things she got from Holly stashed away somewhere - waiting to be used when she got out of the hospital. I waited in the car while Eric went to throw things in a bag, wondering if it was a good idea to go and see Pam at visiting time. When Eric came back I mentioned it to him and he told me that because Bill was gone and he was her business partner, she had listed him as her contact. I was relieved; it gave us some way of staying in the loop where she was concerned. The ride home was quiet, I didn't even turn the radio on but that was mostly to avoid the chance of hearing my name mentioned.

As soon as I opened my front door, I headed for the coffee maker. I heard Eric drop his big bag in the living room and his footsteps behind me in the kitchen. I turned toward him and his arms wrapped around me, just like they had in the Police Station. But this time his mouth slanted over mine, taking me by surprise. His lips and tongue were insistent, hungry, fraught with need and I surrendered to him. He moved to kiss his way down my neck and I was thankful of the break so I could try and catch my breath but when he spoke I found myself more breathless than ever.

"I need you Sookie. So much. Tell me you need me too ... please."

Eric's last word sounded choked, like he was struggling to hold back his emotions. "I do need you, Eric, I want you and I need you."

I was pulled down toward the floor as he sank to his knees. Eric pulled me onto his lap and rocked his hips against me, his mouth leaving patches of cold where my wet skin was exposed to the air. When Eric's lips stopped and he held me closer, I realised that the wet patches weren't where his mouth had touched me but his eyes. I threaded my fingers through his hair as he breathed heavily against my shoulder.

"Sookie, I ..."

"Shh it's okay."

He nodded into the crook of my neck and sighed. "My feelings about what happened are all over the place, but my feelings about you are clear. I wanted you before we were taken and I want you now but everything else is so ..."

"Confusing and stressful?"

"Yeah." He laughed lightly and raised his head to look at me. "I'm confused about a lot of things but being right here isn't one of them."

"Good." I kissed him softly, sucking lightly on his bottom lip before pulling away. "We can make things less muddled together. Why don't we start with coffee and calling to see how Pam is?"

Eric frowned slightly before nodding and picking us up off the floor. He wandered off to get his phone and call the hospital as I made the coffee. A part of me was kicking myself at stopping our kitchen make-out session but for the larger part, I knew it was the right thing to do for both our sakes. There were too many negative emotions running through us and there was a fine line between comfort and using someone to escape everything.

OoOoO

The day passed slowly. My clock ticked loudly, counting the seconds until we had something to do, someone to see. Both Eric and I had turned off our phones; the deluge of calls was something we weren't ready to handle. Eric wasn't only getting calls from reporters but from Clancy at the bar wanting to know what he should say to the reporters that called there. My intercom even buzzed at one point and the tears pooled in my eyes with the stress of not being left alone.

But I wasn't alone. Not really. I had Eric with me and I couldn't imagine how I would cope without his presence.

There were a couple of photographers outside my apartment block when we left to go to the hospital. Another guy shouted questions at us as the cameras clicked and we walked as quickly as we could to my car. Eric drove to Schumpert to save me straining my wrist; he held my hand across the centre console as much as he could on the way there.

When we walked into Pam's room, the first thing I did was search out her eyes to see if I could dispute Eric's assessment but she turned away from us as we entered.

"Hi Pam. Are you ... comfortable?" There was no reason to ask if she felt better or felt okay. It was obvious that neither were true.

"I've had some surgery. No, I'm not comfortable. I'm in pain, inside and out. I deserve that much."

I perched on the edge of the bed, much like I'd done the day before. "You made a mistake and got in with a bad crowd. You didn't deserve all of the things they did to you."

She turned to me and I got that glance at her eyes. I wish I hadn't. They were full of anger and hate. "Spare me your bullshit, Sookie. Up to a point, I knew exactly what I was doing. My husband is dead because of me. You and Eric got kidnapped because of me. I'm poison. Don't dispute it; don't try to convince me otherwise. Just get out and leave me be."

I stood up, my mouth gaping at her comments. Eric squeezed at my shoulder and I saw Pam glaring at him behind me. "We should go. You heard Pam, she wants us to leave her be. Maybe she should have thought about that before leaving her diary and begging us to find her. She knows how to contact us."

The pain on Pam's face was heartbreaking but I saw Eric's point. She was pushing us away after she asked for our help and we had to wait for her reach out before she would accept anymore.

OoOoO

There wasn't anyone hanging around my block when we got back. Eric mentioned that they probably realised that they weren't going to get a story out of us, so they went somewhere else. I crossed my fingers hoping that it was true but I felt like a bad person for wishing something even more shocking and awful had happened to someone else so they would bother other people instead of us.

I was still a little numb after our visit with Pam. Tough love wasn't a weapon that you would usually find in my armoury but there was no point in hanging around trying to help someone who didn't want your help.

Although it was fairly early, we were both exhausted and decided that everything would seem better after a good night's sleep. As I curled up next to Eric, he nuzzled at my shoulder and let out a little sigh. I rolled over and searched out his lips with mine, our kiss was languid and soft. His hands were gentle but sure as he explored my curves over the soft material of my pyjamas. Eric's thumbs grazed the bare skin of my waist where my vest had ridden up and pressed his forehead to mine.

"I'm glad you stopped earlier. In the kitchen, I wanted to lose myself with you. I kissed you for the wrong reasons."

"And now?"

"Now I want to find myself with you."

I was glad that he went back to kissing me right after he said that. Any comment that came out of my mouth would have ruined the moment and thinking about the way he was caressing my hips and thighs was so much better than thinking of clever, sweet things to say in reply to such a lovely statement.

He deftly removed my vest, gazing at my breasts for a while before cupping one and stroking his thumb over the nipple before lowering his head to take the hard, rosy bud into his mouth. I arched into his touch, placing one of my legs between his and pressing my thigh against his stiffening member. Eric made a noise that was half-growl, half-moan and a complete turn-on; he released my nipple with an audible pop and looked into my eyes as he continued to pinch the taut peak.

"I know we're both clean but do we need ..."

"No, I took care of that after the last incident. Just in case."

He continued to hold my gaze as his tongue darted out and swirled around my nipple. "It's nice, being able to trust someone like this. More than nice."

I cleared my throat as his hand stroked down my stomach and dipped beneath the waistband of my panties. "Definitely more than nice."

My legs parted for him without prompting and Eric's eyes fluttered as his fingers slipped easily along my folds. I could tell from the lack of resistance that I was soaking wet. Eric licked his lips and covered my mouth with his, muffling my gasp as he pushed a finger inside. His lips sucked lightly at the juncture between my neck and shoulder and I whimpered when he withdrew his hand and moved so he was hovering over me.

When he licked my essence from his fingers, he closed his eyes and I heard a rumble in his chest. Eric tugged at my shorts and I lifted my hips, anxious for the next treat he would bestow on me. He stroked gently from my knees to my thighs, I could see his arousal straining against the fabric of his sleep pants. Lifting my legs, I hooked my toes into the band that sat low on his hips and pushed at them. Eric leaned down to kiss and suck at my breasts as he kicked off his pants and when he straightened up again I inhaled sharply at the sight of him.

Eric parted my legs, exposing all of me, and a wanton sound of appreciation escaped his lips. "It's been a long time since I wanted to do this, I may be a little rusty."

He winked at me and lowered his head to lick and kiss his way up the inside of my thigh. Rusty was the last word I would have used to describe Eric's oral skills. The sensations of him sucking and licking my pearl as he curled his fingers inside me had me on the precipice of ecstasy in a shorter time than I knew possible.

"Look at me, Sookie. I want to see you unravel, Lover."

As soon as my eyes met his, I was done. Watching him draw that little bundle of nerves between his lips, seeing the look on his face as I moaned his name, the fact he seemed to be enjoying it almost as much as I was had me shuddering in completion.

He left me no time to recover, Eric's mouth was on mine and his shift was deep inside me as I was still having aftershocks. I clawed at his shoulders as his hips pumped in a steady rhythm, hitting that special spot with every thrust.

Every inhale was a gasp. Every exhale was moan. I cried out in pleasure as the coil in my stomach tightened once more and rocked into him, meeting every grind until he buried his face in the pillow next to me. Eric held on to me tightly as he increased his pace, his pelvis rubbing against my clit until I exploded in climax. His breathing was laboured but when I came and felt my muscles clench around his girth, Eric grunted and moved harder and faster.

Eric raised his head, his brow furrowed as his orgasm sped toward him. The tendons in his neck strained and he screwed his eyes closed, pressing his forehead to mine and groaning out my name as I felt his seed flow into me.

We moved gently, panting, sweating, euphoric, until Eric rolled a little to the side and collapsed on the bed. It took a good five minutes for the shaking in my legs to subside enough for me to shuffle to the bathroom to clean up. I brought a warm wash cloth for Eric and tried to tame my sex hair with a brush as he wiped himself down. We didn't speak until we were back huddled under the blankets, whether it was because the experience had left me blissfully speechless or the fog of orgasmic rapture prevented my brain from coming up with anything adequate to say, Eric spoke first.

"I never knew the difference between sex and making love before. Now I do. Thank you, Sookie."

I looked into Eric's still glazed eyes and knew, without a doubt, that whatever I'd felt for any other man I'd been involved with paled in comparison to what I felt for Eric.


	10. Moving On

**The Diary Trail**

Summary: When Pam Ravenscroft goes missing, her two best friends are worried for her safety. Upon finding Pam's diary, Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman are shocked to find Pam led a secret double life and they know that diary holds all the clues to where Pam is.

Spoilers: Character spoilers for all books.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**Chapter 10 – Moving On.**

The week that followed was spent in a bubble. We made love often, we ate together, we checked in at the bar, we went to a therapist. We, we, we. Today there was another joint therapy session and I knew what Dr. Davis was going to say before he even opened his mouth.

"Do you think that it might benefit both of you to spend some time apart?"

Eric reaction was visceral and loud. "We just found each other and you want us to break up?"

I placed a hand on his arm and tried to calm him. "I don't think that's what Dr. Davis has in mind. I think he only means for us to go on with our working lives the way we did before."

Dr. Davis nodded and scribbled in his notepad. "Quite, Sookie. You two are together twenty four hours a day, not really interacting with anyone else except each other."

He went on to explain that sealing ourselves off wasn't going to help us get over what happened and that essentially, we were doing the same thing as Pam. Pushing people away. Although he commented that we were doing it in a passive/aggressive way rather than a vocal and obvious way. Eric sat sullenly, picking at his fingernails and grunting whenever a response was required.

"Eric." Dr. Davis put down his notebook and leaned forward in his chair. "Is there a specific reason you're reluctant to go back to work and leave Sookie's side?"

Eric huffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm ... concerned that if we go back to work then I'll go back to my apartment. Then, before we know it, Sookie and I are back to being complete strangers. Our relationship is rooted in unusual circumstances and I don't want it to end when everything goes back to normal."

I was flabbergasted. Sure, I had my own fears about that subject but once I had connected to Eric, physically, I knew that things would never go back to the way they were before.

"That won't happen." I blurted out.

Dr. Davis nodded. "I can understand your worries, Eric, but Sookie is right. You're both entangled in each other's lives, there's no way you could go back to being strangers. And even though you two bonded over your search for Pam and the incidents that followed – that bond isn't all you have."

I could see Eric was still sceptical. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "We don't say the words but we do and feel all the same things as other couples who love each other do. That doesn't go away just because people spend eight hours apart or don't sleep next to each other for a few nights."

Comprehension seeped into his features slowly. I held my breath until he finally nodded and agreed with me. "I'll miss being with you every day but I guess the anticipation of seeing you after a hard night at the bar sounds pretty good too."

I smiled even wider and leaned in to kiss Eric's cheek, but he turned around and caught my lips with his. We stopped before things got out of hand and I turned to see Dr. Davis smiling at us.

"Has there been any news on our joint session with Pam?" Eric placed an arm around my shoulder and pulled me to his side as he waited on an answer to his question.

"I've spoken with Dr. Brigant; he says he'll be in touch when Pam asks for a group appointment."

That brought us back down to earth with a bump. We hadn't heard from Pam since she kicked us out of her hospital room. Schumpert had called Eric to inform him that she had discharged herself but by the time he got there to pick her up she was gone. A few days after that, Lorena called me to let me know that she was handling the sale of Pam and Bill's house on Pam's behalf. Lorena didn't know where Pam was living and she seemed just as concerned about that as Eric and I.

OoOoO

Eric decided to stay in his own apartment that night. Just to test the waters. But when 2am came around, I was happy to hear his key in the door and feel him slide into bed with me. Neither of us had been able to sleep. We decided that going back to work was the baby step we needed to kick off with. I called Sam the next day and arranged to go in for half a shift to ease myself back into the swing of things. Eric would be at the bar, dealing with a few things that Clancy couldn't, by the time I got home.

I drove through the streets of Shreveport with the same feeling of mistrust that I'd had since we'd been kidnapped. I wasn't scared that it would happen again but the city was full of strangers now. Every car that drew up beside me at a red light made me wonder if they were part of that ugly scene. The man walking down the street with his dog – was he one of the ones who brutalised my best friend? The woman who was going into the thrift store – was she another soul that had been drawn into that world? I judged everyone and hated that my trauma took away the feeling of home that I'd had before.

I stayed in my apartment for thirty minutes before the restlessness overtook me. The place was spotless thanks to Eric's OCD tendencies, so there was nothing to keep me busy. I bought a bouquet of Dianthums, red ones with white tips on the petals, and made my way to the Garden of Memory in Minden. I checked the listings to find Bill's place in the garden and weaved through the corridor of plaques and urns.

I was shocked when I saw Pam kneeling with her head against what I guessed to be Bill's memorial. There was a fresh bouquet of Roses in the holder next to her and I could hear quiet sobs echo against the marble walls. I was about to take a step forward when a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"I've been waiting for you. It _is_ Sookie, isn't it?"

I nodded at the old man with white hair. "Who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Brigant. I come here with Pam every day. She speaks of you often and her fears of running into you here."

"Oh. Well, I came to see ... pay tribute to Bill. If I'm not welcome then ..."

"I didn't say that. Maybe it's time for Pam to face her fears. As fears go, you are probably the least threatening. I just wanted you to know, so you could react accordingly."

He stepped back to lean against a wall and gestured for me to continue walking. I didn't want to surprise her too much, so I cleared my throat and coughed a little to alert her to my presence. While I smiled when she turned around, it was met with cold indifference. Pam sniffed and stood up before turning back to Bill's plaque. I was upset that she had no greeting for me, friendly _or_ angry, did I mean so little to her that I didn't even warrant a nod of acknowledgement? I could feel every muscle in my body tense as I walked closer, clutching the flowers to my chest as if they might make things easier. There was a small cone-like holder at each side of the plaque, I placed the Dianthums in the unoccupied holder and stood next to Pam with my hands loosely crossed in front of me.

"Hi Pam."

No response.

"Eric came to pick you up at Schumpert but you'd already left."

No response.

"Lorena called me. I thought you might want to sell your old house but it would have been nice of you to let us know you weren't living there anymore."

A slight grimace. Not a positive sign but at least it showed she was listening to me.

I sighed and shook my head. "You can hide and run from me, Pam, but Eric is your business partner. Sooner or later he's going to need you to sign off on something. He needs a way to contact you and moving house and disconnecting your phone numbers is silly when you have Baldur's Gate to run together."

I didn't wait to see if that got a response. I just walked back to my car and drove home.

OoOoO

I was in the middle of making dinner when I got a frantic call from Eric. It seemed my words to Pam had had the wrong effect. He was going to their lawyer; apparently Pam had gone to see him to arrange handing her share of Baldur's Gate over to Eric and withdrawing from all business dealings with him. I felt sad, I felt awful for Eric but most of all I felt guilty. I had said those things to her to try and spur her into at least calling Eric and making sure he had a way to contact her but all I had done was drive a larger wedge between them.

I kept a plate warm for Eric and paced my living room until he arrived. My own meal languished on the table untouched. I could see Eric was upset when he came in and the way he walked straight to me and folded me in an embrace told me that he probably wouldn't be eating either.

"She's locking us out, bit by bit. I thought she might come round. I thought that there was a chance she might need us to help her but ..."

"Shh, Pam is a mess right now but this is ... it's kind of my fault."

Eric pulled back and frowned. I led him to the couch and sat him down before telling him about my visit to the Garden of Memory. I was just getting to my apology and about to beg his forgiveness when he stopped me by placing a hand on my cheek and kissing me softly.

"It's not your fault, Sookie. The papers were all drawn up, that kind of thing doesn't happen in a few hours. A couple of days, yes, but not hours. Pam already had this in mind before you mentioned anything."

Those words should have bothered me more, but they were an instant cure all to my guilt and appetite. I threw my dinner in the microwave to make it an edible temperature if nothing else and we sat at my little table. Just like we had every night for the last week, going back to work made our conversation livelier and more interesting and I was glad we had made that little baby step.

OoOoO

_Two weeks later ..._

Eric came home after another meeting with his lawyer, a smile on his face and a bag in each hand. Finally, the 'whose place are we sleeping at?' game was over. Those two bags held the last of his things that he had yet to move into my apartment, as well as the schedules for several larger apartments. The proceeds from the sale of Eric's apartment would serve as a deposit and the proceeds from selling my apartment could be used for lawyer's fees.

We celebrated graduating from baby steps to giant leaps by watching 'As good as it gets' and eating ice cream from the tub. Later we touched each other in the ways we had learned the other liked to be touched but the dark cloud of worry about Pam loomed over us. The week before I had taken it upon myself to find out the address of her Therapist and sent a letter to him. Asking Dr. Brigant to pass on the message that we hoped she was healing and that if she ever needed us all she had to do was call.

I never heard anything back from that. So I was surprised to hear our intercom buzz at 7.30am the next day and find Pam's voice on the other side. I let her in the building and ran to tell Eric that she was coming up. He leapt out of bed like it was on fire and threw on whatever clothes he could grab. We were both there to open the door to her. By her reaction at seeing Eric next to me, it was obvious she didn't know we were together.

"I went to your apartment and the neighbour told me you had moved out but ... I didn't expect to find you here."

She slowly came in and followed Eric into the living room while I brought up the rear. "Well, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster but we belong with each other. There's no point putting something off when it feels so right."

My heart swelled at Eric's words but crumpled when I saw the sadness in Pam's eyes. It felt wrong to be happy when she had lost so much. While Eric and I sat on the couch, I noticed Pam stayed standing, like she wasn't going to be staying long. That made me even sadder.

"So, I just came to say goodbye. I'm moving, you don't need to know where, and starting fresh."

"I can see the attraction in that." I looked at Eric and he nodded in agreement. "I'm happy that you know that's something you have to do to get yourself back. But I'll ... we'll miss you."

"We will. I'm happy that you're moving on, Pam." Eric stood and hugged her tightly, much to Pam's surprise.

"Dr. Brigant has been amazing but I've gone as far as I can in Shreveport. There are too many reminders here." It didn't have to be said that Eric and I were two of those reminders. "And I'm sorry that I never thanked you two for looking for me and finding me."

After that there wasn't much left to say, but I could see that Pam was happy with her decision. Her eyes had the shine back in them and that was a good sign. It was strange, after everything we'd been through, that our parting was so subdued. I hug and a kiss at my front door and well wishes offered and that was that. Pam was off to start her new life. She could be whatever Pam she wanted, the Pam she wanted to be in a town or city she wanted to be Pam in. I just hoped it worked for her.

Sam sent me home early from work, I was too distracted. Saying goodbye forever to your best friend will do that to you. I walked straight to the shower when I got home, hoping that the water would wake me up a little. When I got out and dried myself and dressed in my comfy sweats, I noticed the apartment schedules on the coffee table. I shuffled through them, looking at the pictures. But none of them jumped out and held my attention. I curled up on the couch and hugged one of the throw cushions, Pam and her fresh start plaguing my every thought.

Eric came home for dinner but had to get back to the bar afterward but he'd brought more schedules for me to look at. I smiled and told him I would but I didn't. As soon as he was gone I went to bed and tried to imagine what Pam's new life will be like. Would she be in the big city or in a small town? Would she try to buy another bar or would she take a simple admin job like me? Would she make new friends? Of course she would make new friends! Wouldn't she?

OoOoO

I was still awake when Eric got home after the bar closed. His skin was cool against mine as he slid beneath the covers and pressed against me. I sighed and pulled his arm around me, nuzzling into his bare chest.

"You've been crying."

I nodded. "I'm going to miss her."

"I know, I will too, but she needs this." He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. "Did you look at the schedules I brought back?"

"No. I wasn't really in the mood."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Are you sleepy?"

"Not really, there's too much going on in my brain."

"Would you like me to take you mind off things for a little while?"

I nodded and he did. He built me up to giddy heights with his fingers and his tongue. He pounded me harder than he ever had before. He made me lose count of my orgasms after the 3rd one. But most wonderful of all, he tired me out so completely that I couldn't think anymore.

The next day was Saturday, and I was glad that I wouldn't need to get up early for work. Between my brain and Eric's body it had been almost 5am when I got to sleep. We were too late for breakfast, brunch and lunch by the time we got out of bed. I made the coffee while Eric made breakfast; it was domestic and made me feel warm and fuzzy when we sat down to eat in our pyjamas. Once our omelettes were finished, Eric took the plates away for washing and I settled on the couch to drink the rest of my first caffeine injection of the day.

I was lost in my own little world again when I saw something waving in front of me. I blinked and saw the schedules Eric had brought home last night. I sighed and took them from him. Just like the other pile, they were lovely apartments. But something was ... not right about them. I put them on the table and smiled at Eric.

"They all start to look the same after a while."

"Not this one."

He handed me a schedule that was hidden behind his back. The first thing I noticed was that it wasn't an apartment, it was a small farmhouse. The next thing I noticed was that it wasn't in Louisiana, it was in Nebraska. There wasn't a lot of land attached to it, so it wasn't a whole farm – that would have caused me to think Eric had completely lost his marbles. Looking at the map it was pretty close to Omaha, just outside a little town called Waverly. It really was a lovely house.

"You want to move to Nebraska?"

Eric chewed at his bottom lip and ran his hands through his hair. "I just started thinking about what Pam said. A fresh start, away from all the memories, it sounded good at the time."

"What about our jobs?"

"I'm tired of Baldur's Gate. It was something that Pam and I did together and on my own ... it just doesn't fit me anymore. Do you know what I mean?" I nodded and waved for him to carry on. "I figured, you're a really good receptionist and administrator – you could walk into a job anywhere with an honest reference from Sam. So ..."

"What would you do?"

Eric smiled again and produced some more sheets of paper from behind his back. It was a small family bar and grille that was up for auction. I checked the map and it wasn't far from the farmhouse at all.

"I know it looks a little run down but there'll be more than enough from the sale of Baldur's to fix it up. I thought maybe after the hustle and bustle ... something quiet would be nice."

Quiet. That _did_ sound nice. I thought about all of the things I'd be leaving. It didn't take long. Now that Pam had struck out on her own there wasn't much left for me in Louisiana. My job, that was about it.

"I wondered if maybe you would even like to help me in the bar. You could do all the paper stuff that I'm no good at and I can stick to heavy lifting and smiling from behind the bar. We could hire waitresses and go to town meetings and be part of a community."

Part of a community. I'd grown up in a small town, I knew that small communities had their drawbacks but they had a lot of benefits too. They were generally friendlier and less stressful. I had briefly thought about mentioning moving to Bon Temps to Eric but then I realised my brother still lived there, that was reason enough not to go back.

"You've put a lot of thought into this, Eric."

"I have." He nodded. "Have I wasted my time?"

"No."

Eric smiled and pulled me onto his lap. "So would you want to run away to Nebraska with me to live the quiet life?"

"I'd like that a lot."

~FIN~

_A/N: Sweet ending or a cop out? I could have dragged this out for chapter after chapter of therapy sessions, lemons and introducing more angst and putting these guys through even more hell but I figured they'd been through enough and that they all deserved to start fresh._


End file.
